Saturday night supper is usually spent at a grannie client's full-services residence. It's always nice to get to know the other residents & the food is pretty good, even though there aren't any vegetarian selections on the formal dining room's summer menu. John & I can always order a bunch of sides, or we can eat in the very clubby bar area, with is more casual & more welcoming & has (to our surprise) a more varied menu with more meat offerings than the currently fish-focused formal dining spot AND a couple really tasty vegetarian options.
Alas, last night the club area was closed - no cocktails, no supper served. For perhaps the first time ever since we started dining there, the three of us waited with the rest of the residents.
Sheez, it was depressing. Over twenty significantly older people, some in chairs or walkers, waiting to be seated in the main dining room. After about 10 minutes, my g.c. looked at me & said, "Let's get out!" And out we got. Took a quick bop around the lovely neighborhood that borders her senior residence, then over to a favorite restaurant.
Am imagining how it would feel to wait that way, as almost all do, every night, week in & week out. Checked out the cafe, thinking it could be an option, but the food in there was too limited.
Learned my lesson - no eating in when the club area is closed. It's fine to eat in the formal dining room if the three of us while away the wait in the dark & cozy bar area, my client with her beloved gin martini (rocks on the side, no garnish), my hubster with his gin martini & me with my large water & for lemon slices. It's even better to have drinks & dinner in the intimate "club" area. But to wait with the majority of residents as the minutes seem to endless tick by - no how, no way.
Three cheers for my grannie client upending our dinner plans!!
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Thursday, June 26, 2014
All jazzed up
What fun! Instead of dropping off a grannie client to her daughter's for dinner - as I usually do after taking her to & from church - this past Sunday we went out to lunch at Be Well Bakery & Cafe, then whisked into Philadelphia to hear Andy Kahn play piano jazz at the Ethical Society of Philadelphia, on Rittenhouse Square.
Lunch was delicious & we got off in plenty of time to arrive well before the 3:00 p.m. concert. Delighted to find parking just four blocks away from the concert site. And only $16!
It was a lovely day to stroll Rittenhouse Square, to the Ethical Society & a jewel-box of a small auditorium. It was clear that most of the people were friends or long-time fans of Andy Kahn, whom neither of us had heard play before.
I'd heard about the concert on WRTI, when Andy was interview by the legendary Bob Perkins. Immediately thought of a grannie clients who loves jazz (and misses playing the piano). Sure enough, she reveled in the cozy concert, which featured the Great American Playbook - songs we knew by composers we love & by ones we'd never heard of but who wrote some of our favorite tunes.
Musicians love to play for my grannie client - she is so appreciative, becomes so intertwined with the notes. And she loved sitting right where we were, with a perfect view of the keyboard & his playing.
I think she could have floated home, she was so happy with the music, the setting, the afternoon.
Lunch was delicious & we got off in plenty of time to arrive well before the 3:00 p.m. concert. Delighted to find parking just four blocks away from the concert site. And only $16!
It was a lovely day to stroll Rittenhouse Square, to the Ethical Society & a jewel-box of a small auditorium. It was clear that most of the people were friends or long-time fans of Andy Kahn, whom neither of us had heard play before.
I'd heard about the concert on WRTI, when Andy was interview by the legendary Bob Perkins. Immediately thought of a grannie clients who loves jazz (and misses playing the piano). Sure enough, she reveled in the cozy concert, which featured the Great American Playbook - songs we knew by composers we love & by ones we'd never heard of but who wrote some of our favorite tunes.
Musicians love to play for my grannie client - she is so appreciative, becomes so intertwined with the notes. And she loved sitting right where we were, with a perfect view of the keyboard & his playing.
I think she could have floated home, she was so happy with the music, the setting, the afternoon.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
golden afternoon
On Tuesday afternoons, I escort a grannie client to a current events discussion group at her senior lifestyle residence. For numerous reasons, I don't attend myself.
What fun it was swinging by to pick her this afternoon & whisk her off for ice cream. EVERYONE who came out of the conference room seemed all lit up within. My g.c. was filled with enthusiasm for the day's discussion. She talked about it throughout our drive to Ben & Irv's, while she dipped into her mint chocolate chip ice cream, and was still beaming when I dropped her back home.
Her greatest praise? "My parents would have LOVED today's discussion!" When she says something like that, I know that her Mom & Dad are very present with her, in the loveliest possible way.
Always makes me smile, helping an older friend enjoy a golden afternoon.
What fun it was swinging by to pick her this afternoon & whisk her off for ice cream. EVERYONE who came out of the conference room seemed all lit up within. My g.c. was filled with enthusiasm for the day's discussion. She talked about it throughout our drive to Ben & Irv's, while she dipped into her mint chocolate chip ice cream, and was still beaming when I dropped her back home.
Her greatest praise? "My parents would have LOVED today's discussion!" When she says something like that, I know that her Mom & Dad are very present with her, in the loveliest possible way.
Always makes me smile, helping an older friend enjoy a golden afternoon.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
lighter heart
As much as I want to attend the Sage-ing International Conference in Seattle, my heart does feel way lighter, putting the funds toward staying on-site at the wildly closer National Village Gathering in October. Will take the train & stay snugged in Crystal City (Arlington, VA).
It was an easy decision to make, after last week's experience. As is often the case, to simplify is to add costs, but the expense will be a good value.
Scots have a bad rep for being stingy. A misconception of what it is to be frugal. A Scot spends good money on things of true value & timeless style. A true Scot would definitely stay onsite in order to get the most bang out of her conference buck.
It helps that I feel there are times the universe lets me know the right path to take - or not. Hadn't realized that some tiny part of my brain was a teeny tensed about making my limited funds stretch as far as I'd like.
It was an easy decision to make, after last week's experience. As is often the case, to simplify is to add costs, but the expense will be a good value.
Scots have a bad rep for being stingy. A misconception of what it is to be frugal. A Scot spends good money on things of true value & timeless style. A true Scot would definitely stay onsite in order to get the most bang out of her conference buck.
It helps that I feel there are times the universe lets me know the right path to take - or not. Hadn't realized that some tiny part of my brain was a teeny tensed about making my limited funds stretch as far as I'd like.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
it takes a circle
If it takes a village to raise a child, it took a circle of friends to get me to last week's conference on aging creatively.
Would never have gotten there without their encouragement & cheerleading, without the financial support of friends who advanced me the funds to make attending possible, without the friend who helped get me get to & from D.C., without John stepping up to take over grannie client duties.
I was the one at the conference, but it was a circle of friends that got me there. Thanks, thanks & more thanks!!
Would never have gotten there without their encouragement & cheerleading, without the financial support of friends who advanced me the funds to make attending possible, without the friend who helped get me get to & from D.C., without John stepping up to take over grannie client duties.
I was the one at the conference, but it was a circle of friends that got me there. Thanks, thanks & more thanks!!
looking back, looking ahead
The 2014 National Leadership & Exchange Conference on creative aging was so beyond my greatest expectations! Will do my best over the coming days to capture some of the highlights - pretty hard to do, since there were so many.
The person who keeps coming to mind is Anthony Hyatt, a wondrous violinist/fiddler, who kept the conference filled with the music of creativity. How many workshops did he grace with his presence & talent? As founder of Moving Beauty, Anthony plays for pediatric & cancer patients at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital. He's also co-director for the nonprofit Arts for the Aging program Quicksilver, a senior citizens improv dance company. Add to those accomplishments his role of master trainer for the National Center for Creative Aging & an instructor of a Dance for Parkinson’s class and you've got one much-sought-for fellow.
So many things to look back on, so many to look forward to over the next four months - an Omega workshop in early August, then doing double duty in October, when I head back to D.C. for National Village Gathering (VtV Network), and up to the Rowe Conference Center in western Mass for a workshop on building coalitions.
Much as I yearn to attend Sage-ing International's biennial conference out in Seattle at the end of August, must set it aside. It was really hard, picking which conference to change from "to do" to "wish" - especially since this particular conference only happens every two years. How difficult to choose between learning about "aging in place" initiatives (helping older people stay in their long-time homes) ~and~ gleaning deeper emotional & spiritual insights into aging - oops! sage-ing.
Alas, I learned from last week's conference that it is folly to stay a distance from a conference site. It might eat up limited $$, but staying onsite is the wisest way to experience a conference. I am so grateful to friends for letting me stay with them & will always appreciate getting to know them better, but traveling from suburban Virginia into D.C. left me physically drained. So, goodbye Seattle; hello, Hilton Crystal City!
Turning away from what could have been to what is, am feeling marvelously blessed. Such an abundance of fresh perspectives on the opportunities & fresh perspectives ONLY available in older age! No time to weep for what might have been - too much to experience, too much to be done.
Looking back & looking ahead, am offering up here & now thanks to all the forces making this summer & fall a reality!
The person who keeps coming to mind is Anthony Hyatt, a wondrous violinist/fiddler, who kept the conference filled with the music of creativity. How many workshops did he grace with his presence & talent? As founder of Moving Beauty, Anthony plays for pediatric & cancer patients at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital. He's also co-director for the nonprofit Arts for the Aging program Quicksilver, a senior citizens improv dance company. Add to those accomplishments his role of master trainer for the National Center for Creative Aging & an instructor of a Dance for Parkinson’s class and you've got one much-sought-for fellow.
So many things to look back on, so many to look forward to over the next four months - an Omega workshop in early August, then doing double duty in October, when I head back to D.C. for National Village Gathering (VtV Network), and up to the Rowe Conference Center in western Mass for a workshop on building coalitions.
Much as I yearn to attend Sage-ing International's biennial conference out in Seattle at the end of August, must set it aside. It was really hard, picking which conference to change from "to do" to "wish" - especially since this particular conference only happens every two years. How difficult to choose between learning about "aging in place" initiatives (helping older people stay in their long-time homes) ~and~ gleaning deeper emotional & spiritual insights into aging - oops! sage-ing.
Alas, I learned from last week's conference that it is folly to stay a distance from a conference site. It might eat up limited $$, but staying onsite is the wisest way to experience a conference. I am so grateful to friends for letting me stay with them & will always appreciate getting to know them better, but traveling from suburban Virginia into D.C. left me physically drained. So, goodbye Seattle; hello, Hilton Crystal City!
Turning away from what could have been to what is, am feeling marvelously blessed. Such an abundance of fresh perspectives on the opportunities & fresh perspectives ONLY available in older age! No time to weep for what might have been - too much to experience, too much to be done.
Looking back & looking ahead, am offering up here & now thanks to all the forces making this summer & fall a reality!
Monday, June 9, 2014
been there, doing that
I don't just bleat about older age bringing a wider perspective & deeper understanding of our lives - I live it, every day. It's my great joy to be able to look over the past sixty years, seeing how my here & now is rooted in the accomplishments & disappointments, the happiness & the difficulties, the achievements & failures of my distant & recent past. Work that means the world to me in this moment would have been impossible for me to do even at fifty. Lacked sufficient overview.
When Mom was reunited with her O! Best Beloved, it seemed I could fully break out into my true life's work. I was footloose & fancy free, without the need to factor in an "ancient" parent.
Took me all of three weeks to realize life might have wondrous surprises in store for me.
My thirties were spent wandering an emotional wilderness, seeking a stronger sense of my crumpled self, something I stumbled across literally just before John came into my life. Fast forward to my fifties. Back to wandering, this time around a professional wilderness where I'd been unceremoniously dumped by the very company that had named me Employee of the Year just eight months earlier.
Fifty to sixty - an amazing ten years, literally kicked off with first 9/11, then Mom's death, then getting the boot out of my job. Opportunities came up that seemed just right for my interests, talents & skills. While each of them brought enriching lessons, new insights, expanded skills, none seemed just right.
Friends lamented that I needed to make do with what presented itself, that I was being irresponsible, that I needed to just settle down & do whatever job came along, if only for the benefits.
What a weird premise - that securing sufficient benefits is more important than finding the proper work.
Over my years, have dedicated myself to work that brought a level of personal reward & pleasure, whether teaching privileged elementary school children or at-risk high school students, coordinating a team of regional health care writers or providing support to brokers & human resource heads, taking on direct marketing remarkable cookware & skin products. (More on the benefits of working with a direct marketing company in a to-be-written posting.)
Found myself wondering if I was some sort of unintentional entrepreneur; every time I'd gleaned new skills & awareness from a job, an opportunity to move onward & upward arrived at my doorstep.
From what I can tell sense perceive, everything about every moment of my life was leading me to elder care anarchy. Our American culture's approach to aging is about as messed up as it can be, inverted from what it's been for millennia.
Where people once sought mastery in the workplace, what's most highly valued now is an ability to wipe out what's been learned & becoming proficient in a new skill that will, in short order, be itself outdated.
We live much longer than our great-grandparents, but older people are valued far less than any previous generation.
We live longer, but our earning power has declined, as more & more companies urge employees to take early retirement.
We are retiring earlier, but there are more & more calls for the government to raise the age for receiving Social Security & Medicare.
Our health care field has made great strides in lengthening our days, but typically at the cost of expensive medications & procedures that reduce our risk of dying without increasing our ability to live the full, vibrant lives of our younger selves.
Science has reduced the risk of sudden death from heart attack & many forms of cancer, leaving us with the aspect of longer lingering deaths from dementia & dwindle.
Retirement communities, originally designed to provide an active life for people in the last ten or twenty years of relatively good health now have reconfigured to offer a continuum of care within one facility, ranging from active seniors to olders suffering from dementia & Alzheimer's to ones in the final days, be it in hospice or an in-house medical center. "Full-care" communities, considered by many the ultimate in senior care, strikes me as ghoulish. Certainly a far cry from living in the ancestral home, welcoming visits from grandchildren, dying in your longtime home instead of in a one-bedroom apartment or in a hospital room.
Children & relatives are caught in the vise of a family model that's never existed before. Single-parent households are the norm, with neither parent available to care for aging olders. Spinster aunts who swap care of aged relatives for a home & security are virtually extinct.
At the end of the 1800s, most families lived within a few miles of each other, able to give support or offer a home; now, those days are long gone. Situations like we experienced, where John was able to give his mother enough help that she could continue living independently until her sudden death at 87 & mine lived with us - to our mutual benefit - until her slightly longer death at 91, is a rarity these days. Only one of my nieces lives relatively close to her parents & even she is over an hour away, not just around the corner & down the road.
It occurred to me several weeks ago that the best way to make a fortune in senior care would be to develop a tablet that the elderly could take every day that would make them feel like an asset to their younger loved ones. I'd formulate an roll-on lotion that children could apply as they dressed in the morning that would leave them feeling guilt-free about aging parents.
Alas, my great strength isn't in distorting or numbing our nation's sorry state of aging but in overturning it, in helping to restore the inversion to a more whole, healthy state. Not the sort of thing that beckons wealth & power, but which offers rewards beyond imagining when things click. And it can't be done enmasse, production-line style ~ that's what helped get us in this mess in the first place.
It takes doing it one grannie client at a time, believing that something I do will touch someone else who will touch someone else.
It takes letting one family know that all they can do is their best in a situation where the cards are stacked against they feeling good about their best efforts.
It takes helping maybe just a few older men & women dwell less on the problems of aging & more on the joys it offers, the broader perspective they have due to a long life, the unique opportunities they have that younger folks can imagine.
I am a good messenger because I live it every day. It took me almost sixty years to find my great calling. I wasn't some sort of funky entrepreneur, seeking new challenges as soon as old ones were mastered - turns out thos those previous jobs were training for my true calling, one I couldn't hear let alone answer until now.
My experience is not, as many protest to me, the aberration. I am the unrecognized norm. What is true for me, is true for all. We're all created to live every day of our lives in some form of celebration, in being the best version of our current self. In this day & age, it's frightfully difficult to convince an older person of the truth of that statement. What they can accept intellectually seems light years from what they believe in their hearts.
A couple days ago, at dinner with a grannie client & her friends, someone asked about my summer plans. After hearing about the five workshops & conferences I'll be attending between now & the end of October, she said, "Well, you'll sure know a lot about the problems of getting older." She listened in apparent disbelief to my reply, that my great talent isn't in helping aged friends navigate the problems of old age but in embracing the amazing perspective only available to the elderly, in seeing the advantages that come with significantly advanced years, in accepting the opportunities that arise from being unabashedly old - in helping olders accept & live, rather than just talk about, the wisdom of old age.
Is it a challenge? Much more than most people will ever know. But am egged onward by the story of the star fish. You may be familiar with it. A couple walking along a beautiful stretch of beach, just before sunrise. The air bracing & clear as it only can be after a storm. Far off, they see a man, walking close to the the edge of the crashing waves. Every so often, he leans over, picks something up & tosses it into the ocean. As he gets closer, they realize they are star fish, strewn by the storm along the beach. As he comes up to them, bending over to pick up another & toss it into the ocean, they ask him why he is bothering with such a Herculean task - there were countless star fish stranded on the sands. He can't save them all. He smiled & explained, "The sun will be up soon. Its warmth & rays will kill the star fish." The younger couple were shocked & disturbed at the futility of his task - "There are thousands of star fish on the beach - your best efforts won't make difference." Leaning over, the older man picked up a star fish, smiled at it, then flung it far out into the water - "I made a difference to that one."
The reality is that between now & my own last days, I might not be able to restore sanity to my country's whacked-out attitude about aging & olders. I might not touch more than a dozen older friends & their families, might only reach a hundred or so people with my message of helping olders become elders. But I'll make a difference to each one, however few. Living my message - having been there & now doing this. That is everything..
When Mom was reunited with her O! Best Beloved, it seemed I could fully break out into my true life's work. I was footloose & fancy free, without the need to factor in an "ancient" parent.
Took me all of three weeks to realize life might have wondrous surprises in store for me.
My thirties were spent wandering an emotional wilderness, seeking a stronger sense of my crumpled self, something I stumbled across literally just before John came into my life. Fast forward to my fifties. Back to wandering, this time around a professional wilderness where I'd been unceremoniously dumped by the very company that had named me Employee of the Year just eight months earlier.
Fifty to sixty - an amazing ten years, literally kicked off with first 9/11, then Mom's death, then getting the boot out of my job. Opportunities came up that seemed just right for my interests, talents & skills. While each of them brought enriching lessons, new insights, expanded skills, none seemed just right.
Friends lamented that I needed to make do with what presented itself, that I was being irresponsible, that I needed to just settle down & do whatever job came along, if only for the benefits.
What a weird premise - that securing sufficient benefits is more important than finding the proper work.
Over my years, have dedicated myself to work that brought a level of personal reward & pleasure, whether teaching privileged elementary school children or at-risk high school students, coordinating a team of regional health care writers or providing support to brokers & human resource heads, taking on direct marketing remarkable cookware & skin products. (More on the benefits of working with a direct marketing company in a to-be-written posting.)
Found myself wondering if I was some sort of unintentional entrepreneur; every time I'd gleaned new skills & awareness from a job, an opportunity to move onward & upward arrived at my doorstep.
From what I can tell sense perceive, everything about every moment of my life was leading me to elder care anarchy. Our American culture's approach to aging is about as messed up as it can be, inverted from what it's been for millennia.
Where people once sought mastery in the workplace, what's most highly valued now is an ability to wipe out what's been learned & becoming proficient in a new skill that will, in short order, be itself outdated.
We live much longer than our great-grandparents, but older people are valued far less than any previous generation.
We live longer, but our earning power has declined, as more & more companies urge employees to take early retirement.
We are retiring earlier, but there are more & more calls for the government to raise the age for receiving Social Security & Medicare.
Our health care field has made great strides in lengthening our days, but typically at the cost of expensive medications & procedures that reduce our risk of dying without increasing our ability to live the full, vibrant lives of our younger selves.
Science has reduced the risk of sudden death from heart attack & many forms of cancer, leaving us with the aspect of longer lingering deaths from dementia & dwindle.
Retirement communities, originally designed to provide an active life for people in the last ten or twenty years of relatively good health now have reconfigured to offer a continuum of care within one facility, ranging from active seniors to olders suffering from dementia & Alzheimer's to ones in the final days, be it in hospice or an in-house medical center. "Full-care" communities, considered by many the ultimate in senior care, strikes me as ghoulish. Certainly a far cry from living in the ancestral home, welcoming visits from grandchildren, dying in your longtime home instead of in a one-bedroom apartment or in a hospital room.
Children & relatives are caught in the vise of a family model that's never existed before. Single-parent households are the norm, with neither parent available to care for aging olders. Spinster aunts who swap care of aged relatives for a home & security are virtually extinct.
At the end of the 1800s, most families lived within a few miles of each other, able to give support or offer a home; now, those days are long gone. Situations like we experienced, where John was able to give his mother enough help that she could continue living independently until her sudden death at 87 & mine lived with us - to our mutual benefit - until her slightly longer death at 91, is a rarity these days. Only one of my nieces lives relatively close to her parents & even she is over an hour away, not just around the corner & down the road.
It occurred to me several weeks ago that the best way to make a fortune in senior care would be to develop a tablet that the elderly could take every day that would make them feel like an asset to their younger loved ones. I'd formulate an roll-on lotion that children could apply as they dressed in the morning that would leave them feeling guilt-free about aging parents.
Alas, my great strength isn't in distorting or numbing our nation's sorry state of aging but in overturning it, in helping to restore the inversion to a more whole, healthy state. Not the sort of thing that beckons wealth & power, but which offers rewards beyond imagining when things click. And it can't be done enmasse, production-line style ~ that's what helped get us in this mess in the first place.
It takes doing it one grannie client at a time, believing that something I do will touch someone else who will touch someone else.
It takes letting one family know that all they can do is their best in a situation where the cards are stacked against they feeling good about their best efforts.
It takes helping maybe just a few older men & women dwell less on the problems of aging & more on the joys it offers, the broader perspective they have due to a long life, the unique opportunities they have that younger folks can imagine.
I am a good messenger because I live it every day. It took me almost sixty years to find my great calling. I wasn't some sort of funky entrepreneur, seeking new challenges as soon as old ones were mastered - turns out thos those previous jobs were training for my true calling, one I couldn't hear let alone answer until now.
My experience is not, as many protest to me, the aberration. I am the unrecognized norm. What is true for me, is true for all. We're all created to live every day of our lives in some form of celebration, in being the best version of our current self. In this day & age, it's frightfully difficult to convince an older person of the truth of that statement. What they can accept intellectually seems light years from what they believe in their hearts.
A couple days ago, at dinner with a grannie client & her friends, someone asked about my summer plans. After hearing about the five workshops & conferences I'll be attending between now & the end of October, she said, "Well, you'll sure know a lot about the problems of getting older." She listened in apparent disbelief to my reply, that my great talent isn't in helping aged friends navigate the problems of old age but in embracing the amazing perspective only available to the elderly, in seeing the advantages that come with significantly advanced years, in accepting the opportunities that arise from being unabashedly old - in helping olders accept & live, rather than just talk about, the wisdom of old age.
Is it a challenge? Much more than most people will ever know. But am egged onward by the story of the star fish. You may be familiar with it. A couple walking along a beautiful stretch of beach, just before sunrise. The air bracing & clear as it only can be after a storm. Far off, they see a man, walking close to the the edge of the crashing waves. Every so often, he leans over, picks something up & tosses it into the ocean. As he gets closer, they realize they are star fish, strewn by the storm along the beach. As he comes up to them, bending over to pick up another & toss it into the ocean, they ask him why he is bothering with such a Herculean task - there were countless star fish stranded on the sands. He can't save them all. He smiled & explained, "The sun will be up soon. Its warmth & rays will kill the star fish." The younger couple were shocked & disturbed at the futility of his task - "There are thousands of star fish on the beach - your best efforts won't make difference." Leaning over, the older man picked up a star fish, smiled at it, then flung it far out into the water - "I made a difference to that one."
The reality is that between now & my own last days, I might not be able to restore sanity to my country's whacked-out attitude about aging & olders. I might not touch more than a dozen older friends & their families, might only reach a hundred or so people with my message of helping olders become elders. But I'll make a difference to each one, however few. Living my message - having been there & now doing this. That is everything..
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Club Room dining
Awesome discovery - a grannie client far prefers the tiny, aptly named "Club Room" to the formal dining room at her senior residence. The menu is considerably more varied, has her beloved filet of beef (missing from the formal dining room's summer offerings) AND my hubster & I are over-the-moon with a wrap chockful of grilled veggies, it opens out onto a nice little patio with a view of lawn & trees, and it's way more conducive to casual cross-tables conversation.
We are total converts!
Joining grannie clients for meals at their residence is a blessing on so many levels. #1 is getting to know the people they break bread with every day, their neighbors & new friends. The stories they bat back & forth broaden my appreciation of who these olders are, as well as deepening their connections to my clients. And it opens the way to greater interaction.
That was certainly a use served by participating with a grannie client in her residence's current events discussion. I took part to help facilitate her participation, not thinking that it would lead to the group getting to know & have an opinion of me. That connection lead us to including another current eventer with us tomorrow when we head out to a local pub for lunch!
What a difference it makes, doing things not only with my older friends, but getting to know their peers & compadres - wish I'd started doing it years, instead of months ago! The ultimate win-win, with fun all around!
We are total converts!
Joining grannie clients for meals at their residence is a blessing on so many levels. #1 is getting to know the people they break bread with every day, their neighbors & new friends. The stories they bat back & forth broaden my appreciation of who these olders are, as well as deepening their connections to my clients. And it opens the way to greater interaction.
That was certainly a use served by participating with a grannie client in her residence's current events discussion. I took part to help facilitate her participation, not thinking that it would lead to the group getting to know & have an opinion of me. That connection lead us to including another current eventer with us tomorrow when we head out to a local pub for lunch!
What a difference it makes, doing things not only with my older friends, but getting to know their peers & compadres - wish I'd started doing it years, instead of months ago! The ultimate win-win, with fun all around!
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Take joy!
Fra Giovanni’s Christmas Prayer
I salute you!
There is nothing I can give you which you have not;
but there is much that, while I cannot give, you can take.
No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it today.
Take Heaven.
No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in the present moment.
Take Peace.
The gloom of the world is but a shadow; behind it, yet within our reach is joy.
Take Joy!
This dearly beloved poem came to me, sitting here & remembering a surprising discussion I had last night with an older friend.
Every Tuesday, I chauffeur a grannie client from her full-service senior residence to our hometown's more simple retirement village. It doesn't offer all the conveniences my grannie client enjoys every day, but it has one of the greatest draws of any elder community - friends & family who have known her since she was a wee tadger. Priceless!
Last night, our table of four got to discussing summer plans. For the first time since my trips abroad, in my 20s, my summer/fall is full to overflowing. Creative Aging, Village to Village Network, Omega, Sage-ing International, Building Coalitions ~ each workshop or conference connects to my interest in eldering issues.
The woman sitting to my left, who has known me since forever, asked, "So you will be well-versed in the problems faced getting older?"
My response took me by delicious surprise. First, my body seemed literally filled with a great whoosh of beaming light. The light manifested itself in speech - "My heavens, no!" I answered, "In the joy, in the advantages, in the unique perspective & opportunities that come with greater age, especially great age!!"
It was a remarkable experience, so out of the blue. The words came out of my mouth without any sense of my saying them. In that moment, there wasn't a scintilla of doubt in mind, heart or spirit about my path. My life has prepared me to take & scatter joy - amazing grace!!!
I salute you!
There is nothing I can give you which you have not;
but there is much that, while I cannot give, you can take.
No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it today.
Take Heaven.
No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in the present moment.
Take Peace.
The gloom of the world is but a shadow; behind it, yet within our reach is joy.
Take Joy!
This dearly beloved poem came to me, sitting here & remembering a surprising discussion I had last night with an older friend.
Every Tuesday, I chauffeur a grannie client from her full-service senior residence to our hometown's more simple retirement village. It doesn't offer all the conveniences my grannie client enjoys every day, but it has one of the greatest draws of any elder community - friends & family who have known her since she was a wee tadger. Priceless!
Last night, our table of four got to discussing summer plans. For the first time since my trips abroad, in my 20s, my summer/fall is full to overflowing. Creative Aging, Village to Village Network, Omega, Sage-ing International, Building Coalitions ~ each workshop or conference connects to my interest in eldering issues.
The woman sitting to my left, who has known me since forever, asked, "So you will be well-versed in the problems faced getting older?"
My response took me by delicious surprise. First, my body seemed literally filled with a great whoosh of beaming light. The light manifested itself in speech - "My heavens, no!" I answered, "In the joy, in the advantages, in the unique perspective & opportunities that come with greater age, especially great age!!"
It was a remarkable experience, so out of the blue. The words came out of my mouth without any sense of my saying them. In that moment, there wasn't a scintilla of doubt in mind, heart or spirit about my path. My life has prepared me to take & scatter joy - amazing grace!!!
Monday, June 2, 2014
importance of being onsite
Today, I pledge myself to start developing out my idea for an eldering service that connects with folks living in a "senior lifestyle residence" at least once a week for an onsite meal.
The reason isn't to provided company for the older or even to check on how s/he is doing - it's to let everyone know that there is an active someone in that person's life. Am amazed at how powerful that can be. Not another care giver - a friendly, purely social friend. Might sound frivolous, but far from it. For a family without a lot of financial resources at hand, it can be a special godsend, since it can provide a big bang for relatively few bucks.
How could sharing as little as one meal a day with someone living in a senior residence be so important & powerful? My guess is that holds true for hospitals - that doctors & nursing staff are less attentive to patients who don't have regular visitors - would hold true for senior residences, too. Am thinking about how much I've learned about a senior residence just by sharing an occasional lunch & supper with clients, getting to know their friends, seeing how things seem to interact. My few weekly meals with a client is fun & revealing.
It would make a wonderful business, one that's fairly low cost for the family - the price of an in-residence meal & one or two hours, max - but could provide a steady income boost. Most olders I know would rather go OUT with their loved one for a meal, rather than eat in. Which is why having someone otherwise unconnected with the older strikes me as idea. Am envisioning my dear friend, Janina, making being a meal-time friend into a dandy income-booster - she's youthful, vibrant & lively!
The more I work with clients who live in senior residences, the more important I realize it is for them to have someone who becomes a regular onsite presence, who becomes known by friends & acquaintance, who makes sure the staff & administration knows about her, an easy thing to do by regularly passing along praise or even a constructive comment. Hmmmm.....
My June/July project - flesh out the bare bones of this nifty possibility into a fully-realized business plan!
The reason isn't to provided company for the older or even to check on how s/he is doing - it's to let everyone know that there is an active someone in that person's life. Am amazed at how powerful that can be. Not another care giver - a friendly, purely social friend. Might sound frivolous, but far from it. For a family without a lot of financial resources at hand, it can be a special godsend, since it can provide a big bang for relatively few bucks.
How could sharing as little as one meal a day with someone living in a senior residence be so important & powerful? My guess is that holds true for hospitals - that doctors & nursing staff are less attentive to patients who don't have regular visitors - would hold true for senior residences, too. Am thinking about how much I've learned about a senior residence just by sharing an occasional lunch & supper with clients, getting to know their friends, seeing how things seem to interact. My few weekly meals with a client is fun & revealing.
It would make a wonderful business, one that's fairly low cost for the family - the price of an in-residence meal & one or two hours, max - but could provide a steady income boost. Most olders I know would rather go OUT with their loved one for a meal, rather than eat in. Which is why having someone otherwise unconnected with the older strikes me as idea. Am envisioning my dear friend, Janina, making being a meal-time friend into a dandy income-booster - she's youthful, vibrant & lively!
The more I work with clients who live in senior residences, the more important I realize it is for them to have someone who becomes a regular onsite presence, who becomes known by friends & acquaintance, who makes sure the staff & administration knows about her, an easy thing to do by regularly passing along praise or even a constructive comment. Hmmmm.....
My June/July project - flesh out the bare bones of this nifty possibility into a fully-realized business plan!
SELF CENTERED as a good thing
Am pondering & pondering ways to get my grannie clients & other older friends to believe me when I say their life stories - especially the ones they consider "little" - have great value to the youngers in their life & in the world.
What strikes me most is how deeply too many of my older friends see their lives as drawing meaning only from how others see them. One of my great & exciting challenges is helping them see that life is not about them & others, but about their individual self in the light of whatever Divine they acknowledge.
Our relationship to others - all others, from family to the cashier at the local supermarket - is a tool for developing a deeper, richer sense of self. Which is not selfish!
To me, self centered (no hyphen) is a positive description, denoting being centered in our self, rather than in others (never good). I can remember exactly where I was when that first dawned on me. My sister-in-law & I were doing shopping for one of the parties before my wedding. We were talking about family & she was remembering how she & Dad (gone for many years) often butted heads. She was particularly incensed that he described her as self-centered.
"Ahhh," I answered "To me, that would not be an insult. And Dad was right - you are." As she reared back but before she could let loose, I continued. "You have always been a role model for me. You have a strong sense of your true self, of what is important to you & what is not, and you act on it. THAT, to me, is what can be meant by "self-centered."
She paused, looked me straight in the eye, as she replied, "I'd never thought of it that way. I still don't think it's how Dad intended it, but I am touched that it's how you do."
One of the great things that olders are called to do as they inch up into significant old age is to gain a deeper sense of their individuality, separate from responsibilities to work or friends, family or spouse. It is one of the great purposes of older age, yet seems to be overlooked. When I bring it up, it's typically discounted.
I've written about this before & am sure that I will write about it many times more - my own mother was 87 or 88 when she first turned to a trusted & gifted psychologist for help in getting to know her own true self. I doubt she could have reached out any earlier in her life. To her frankly shocked surprise, having things stripped away was painful, but illuminating, even liberating.
As she wrote around that time, as it was happening, the worst thing she could imagine - children intentionally distancing themselves - happened because of something she did that was solely in her own best interests. To quote her, "The worst thing possible happened, and I didn't die."
Could she have taken such a difficult action in her younger years? It's doubtful. It's possible she could had to be way up there in age, with it's possibility of seeing life's greater panorama, to see the wider broader deeper perspective that can be one of the great gifts of significantly older age.
Mom discovered that there is great power in the perplexities & perspective in being an "ancient." She used it in enduring ways & discovered that in recognizing & embracing her own true self helped her see the same in others, all others, far more clearly than before.
Helping olders & all others to see being truly self centered as a good, downright essential thing - quite the task! And what fabulous rewards when, like Mom did, they finally start to get an inkling of & grounding in their own true self!
Which leads my thinking to another ponder - the importance of olders coming to that realization on their own, in their own way & time, even if they never get it. Another posting percolating in my brain!!
What strikes me most is how deeply too many of my older friends see their lives as drawing meaning only from how others see them. One of my great & exciting challenges is helping them see that life is not about them & others, but about their individual self in the light of whatever Divine they acknowledge.
Our relationship to others - all others, from family to the cashier at the local supermarket - is a tool for developing a deeper, richer sense of self. Which is not selfish!
To me, self centered (no hyphen) is a positive description, denoting being centered in our self, rather than in others (never good). I can remember exactly where I was when that first dawned on me. My sister-in-law & I were doing shopping for one of the parties before my wedding. We were talking about family & she was remembering how she & Dad (gone for many years) often butted heads. She was particularly incensed that he described her as self-centered.
"Ahhh," I answered "To me, that would not be an insult. And Dad was right - you are." As she reared back but before she could let loose, I continued. "You have always been a role model for me. You have a strong sense of your true self, of what is important to you & what is not, and you act on it. THAT, to me, is what can be meant by "self-centered."
She paused, looked me straight in the eye, as she replied, "I'd never thought of it that way. I still don't think it's how Dad intended it, but I am touched that it's how you do."
One of the great things that olders are called to do as they inch up into significant old age is to gain a deeper sense of their individuality, separate from responsibilities to work or friends, family or spouse. It is one of the great purposes of older age, yet seems to be overlooked. When I bring it up, it's typically discounted.
I've written about this before & am sure that I will write about it many times more - my own mother was 87 or 88 when she first turned to a trusted & gifted psychologist for help in getting to know her own true self. I doubt she could have reached out any earlier in her life. To her frankly shocked surprise, having things stripped away was painful, but illuminating, even liberating.
As she wrote around that time, as it was happening, the worst thing she could imagine - children intentionally distancing themselves - happened because of something she did that was solely in her own best interests. To quote her, "The worst thing possible happened, and I didn't die."
Could she have taken such a difficult action in her younger years? It's doubtful. It's possible she could had to be way up there in age, with it's possibility of seeing life's greater panorama, to see the wider broader deeper perspective that can be one of the great gifts of significantly older age.
Mom discovered that there is great power in the perplexities & perspective in being an "ancient." She used it in enduring ways & discovered that in recognizing & embracing her own true self helped her see the same in others, all others, far more clearly than before.
Helping olders & all others to see being truly self centered as a good, downright essential thing - quite the task! And what fabulous rewards when, like Mom did, they finally start to get an inkling of & grounding in their own true self!
Which leads my thinking to another ponder - the importance of olders coming to that realization on their own, in their own way & time, even if they never get it. Another posting percolating in my brain!!
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