If the shoe fits...

Rats!  Looked high & low, but can’t find a recently read piece about the “four steps to forgiveness.”  I recall that they were clearly set out & certainly seemed to make a lot of sense.  Still, I found myself pulling back from it, inching away from its arguments for a logical, linear approach to forgiving folks you feel have done you wrong.

For me, there’s been only one path to forgiveness that ever worked, that ever gave me comfort & relief from the sorry moment.   That’s feeling, nurturing & practicing compassion.  Letting myself walk a mile in their shoes – or bare feet!   Believe that they are doing their best & didn’t intend to mess up something that matters to me.  Remembering all the times that others thought they KNEW what was happening when they actually didn’t have a clue.     

This “walking a mile…” image got me thinking about forgiveness through compassion – that the upset might be due to different styles & preferences rather than intent, that it could be as simple as what fits me can be an excruciating squeeze for others.

Which makes me think of Zappos.  Zappos sells shoes online.  A lot of them.    

That surprised me.  What woman in her right mind would want to buy a pair of shoes without trying them on, without walking in them, seeing how they look on her feet rather than artfully displayed on a shelf? 

Apparently, plenty!  Zappos understands respects honors the simple truth that we all have different shoe sizes, tastes & desires.  It offers incredible selection, but – above all – Zappos offers possibly the best customer service on the planet.  Consider the fact that, every day, they take a page out of Miracle On 34^th Street’s play book & research, then send customers to competitors if they don’t have a shoe the man, woman or child wants. 

Imagine if we did that with everyone around us – kept our focus on what works for them, what defines their feelings of satisfaction rather than what works best every time for us.  Zappos doesn’t put themselves in a position where their well-being is put in danger.  They simply want to make sure that their customers are getting what they really & truly want, that they aren’t settling for less.

 

How many times do we expect others to settle for less, or expect our own day-to-day experiences to be less than terrific?  Then, our knickers get in a twist if things don’t go well. 

Imagine if every one of us had the sort of 365-day return policy that Zappos offers, only with our friends family associates.  If they could let us know when something just doesn’t work for them.   Mind you, the shoes returned to Zappos (free return shipping) must be unworn & still in the original packaging.  You can’t take them for a spin & then send ‘em back for a refund.   

Along the same lines, we need to create an environment where people feel safe telling us about things that don’t work for them, for whatever reason – without fear of backlash.  That isn't any easier for Zappos than any other company.  But THEY make it safe for their customers to say, “Nope, this or these are just not right.”

Which leads me back to Zappos & forgiveness.   Zappos has a wildly liberal return police.  Order six pairs of the same shoes in different colors & return five?  Return shipment is still free, even if you returned all six.  They want to make sure the shoes you buy meet what you want or need.  

    

Imagine if everyone you had contact with throughout the day felt that they could, safely, share with you concerns, even ones that hark back to you.  And that you wouldn't take it personally, but used the comments as information rather than onslaught.   That they knew you’d take it to heart, remember it, let it influence how you live. 

As mentioned earlier, as generous as Zappos’ return policy is, there are limits.  Shoes CAN be returned any time within 365 days BUT must be returned UNworn, in the original packaging.  Yep, they have their limits, including recognizing – in writing, for all their customers, vendors, employees to see -  “ that it’s ok to fire customers who are insatiable or abuse our employees.”   The customer is always right, as long as they stay within the few boundaries that Zappos sets. 

Imagine our lives if we all lived that particular value, if we all worked from the core assumption that everyone out there is doing his or her best.  If we made it safe for others to let us know when something just doesn’t work & make it easy for them to offload the unsatisfactory then work to provide what does fit their wants or needs.  That we laid down a few but well-defined & scrupulously followed guidelines.

Here’s what I’ve found over my 63 years on this planet – the best way for me to forgive others is to be compassionate, to let myself walk a mile in their shoes or  even wander barefoot along dusty roads.  To live a Zappos-infused life helps avoid a need for soul-searing forgiveness:  listening to others – all others - with a desire to provide WOW experiences; to be comfortable with & seek change; to “create fun & a little weirdness” (a big factor in being a successful life expansionist!); remain adventurous-creative-open minded; be a lifelong learner; build honest & open relationships through compassionate communication; nurture positive spirits; do more with less; foster passion & determination; stay humble.  And then do everything in my power to help others do the same! 

Zappos thrives because it's built on customer service, not merchandise & marketing.  It's first & foremost substance, never sizzle.  Their aim is a customer who's satisfied that their shoe fits, serves their purpose, satisfies them.  

When a Zappos customer is satisfied, the company is happy & prospers.  The same can be true for each of us, with compassion, forgiveness, and looking out for each other.  

Flash of wondering!  Were the gurus at Zappos influenced by late night film festival viewings of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington?  They sure seem to be in agreement with Jefferson Smith -  “I wouldn't give you two cents for all your fancy rules if, behind them, they didn't have a little bit of plain, ordinary, everyday kindness and a little looking out for the other fella, too.”