The more I work with beloved grannie clients, the more it's clear I need to develop some new, unexpected skill sets.
My tendency with older friends is identical to my tendency with young ones - a deep desire for them to own & use their personal voice, even if (maybe especially when) it's counter to mine. I want them to know their own deep desires, however inconvenient or contrary they might be to others.
Too many olders seem to have the sense that their job at this point in their lives is to trim whatever expectations they need to in order to better fit in, to cause as little fuss as possible. Not me, kiddo. I'm all about my older friends knowing what they want & seeking it.
Somehow, I have to keep that focus while tempering how it comes across. I have to learn a level of diplomacy I've never seen the need for before, a new sensibility about how to help older friends & clients stay connected to the very desires too many think they need to sublimate or even deny.
It might be a challenge, but it is essential. My current way of speaking up for my older friends, expecting them to know & speak their own minds, can intimidate folks who've internalized our culture's message that they need to go along to get along. I come along, ballyhooing about the importance of standing on your own two feet - figuratively, if not always literally.
It can be unsettling to them, and unsettled feels wrong.
Tack, diplomacy, new-found sensitivity in helping my older friends connect with & speak out in their unique, invaluable voice - these are among the new skills I need to master & add to my life tool kit! Won't be easy, but it's essential.
Just wondering where to begin - who gives a beginner's class in Safely Supporting Elders 101?
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