The deeper I get into my country's current dynamic around aging, the more it dawns on me the actual beneficiaries are big corporations who profit from the mega meds, the medical services (necessary & not), the hefty fees for "personal" care that typically translates into control & maintenance rather than nurturing & enhancement.
Interesting - notice no one uses the term "golden years" anymore?
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
GRAND ~ FAM ~ BOLY!
Yesterday, the title of my just a'borning book surfaced in my conscious! GRAND ~ FAM ~ BOLY! a host of activities to enjoy with grandparents, great-aunts & uncles, and grand friends.
The format will be simple - not a lot of material. Maybe a baker's dozen, all focused on things to do with older family, friends, clients.
Even people who are thiscloseto older friends & relatives can be challenged at how to fill the time during a visit. Happy is the family that finds each visit with Grandpa or "Aunt" Grace flies by, with never enough time to get in all they want to do & say. Others are not so blessed. This book will be for ALL of them!
In my mind & heart, I see it as larger than a standard book. Print large enough for everyone to read. Directed to everyone. Including simple illustrations, depicting a variety of hands but NO faces. No more than a dozen projects - more could be overwhelming. Include from low- to high-tech activities, but favor the former. Keep them lively & engaging. Build interest & energy levels. Both hard copy (essential for olders) & online version. Welcome input from readers, giving any project used in future editions full credit & free copy - even if it's an idea I already have tagged for later books. Develop a presentation that building off the book & includes new material.
The first book will include all the projects Mom & I did together, like mission statements & blogging, to things we never dreamed of, like painting & creating board games. Who knew when we were having all that fun that it was groundwork for a BOOK?? Not me.
Whether connected via common genes, by heart strings, or through caring spirit, here's to EVERY grand famboly - may everyone have at least some portion of the fun & everlasting memories Mom & I shared!
The format will be simple - not a lot of material. Maybe a baker's dozen, all focused on things to do with older family, friends, clients.
Even people who are thiscloseto older friends & relatives can be challenged at how to fill the time during a visit. Happy is the family that finds each visit with Grandpa or "Aunt" Grace flies by, with never enough time to get in all they want to do & say. Others are not so blessed. This book will be for ALL of them!
In my mind & heart, I see it as larger than a standard book. Print large enough for everyone to read. Directed to everyone. Including simple illustrations, depicting a variety of hands but NO faces. No more than a dozen projects - more could be overwhelming. Include from low- to high-tech activities, but favor the former. Keep them lively & engaging. Build interest & energy levels. Both hard copy (essential for olders) & online version. Welcome input from readers, giving any project used in future editions full credit & free copy - even if it's an idea I already have tagged for later books. Develop a presentation that building off the book & includes new material.
The first book will include all the projects Mom & I did together, like mission statements & blogging, to things we never dreamed of, like painting & creating board games. Who knew when we were having all that fun that it was groundwork for a BOOK?? Not me.
Whether connected via common genes, by heart strings, or through caring spirit, here's to EVERY grand famboly - may everyone have at least some portion of the fun & everlasting memories Mom & I shared!
Monday, July 28, 2014
"in the original plan"
It was a bit of a chortle in my family that ~ back in the late '60s & through the '70s ~ whenever the powers-that-be met resistance to something they wanted to change re: the cathedral, they'd bring up the big guns ~ ~ "Well, it was in the original plan."
I've been thinking a lot recently about what was in the original plan for our hometown senior residence, located in the heart of our little boro.
Mom was one of the people who lacked enthusiasm for the plan. A lot of guests - mostly men - stopped by our house & did their best to win her endorsement, or at least mute her reservations.
The way it was described to Mom, the plan was for a place that would bring social life to older people. Why, there would be this wonderful social room - complete with full kitchen - that could serve as the perfect venue for small wedding receptions, for family parties, concerts other special moments. Anyone could use it, not just residents & their families. Why, it would go beyond being simply a retirement community ~ it would be a place that welcomed & nurtured the entire community.
That image of Cairnwood Village that I had from it's beginning, my impression of it's "original plan," is what I still believe in. Expanded even more.
It is a delight to take a grannie client there for dinner every Tuesday. It provides such a lovely opportunity for her to play "catch up" with loved ones & friends. Each time, I leave wanting more.
They advertise the suppers in the hometown newspaper, but I can't recall seeing a notice for their Friday movie night. What fun it would be to take her for a flick with friends! Dinner one night at C.V., movies later in the week - my grannie client would be over the moon. And maybe we could pick up a couple other olders on our way - comfortable room for two more!
There's a challenge - to bring together volunteers to offer a ride to & from for any older who wants to go to dinner, but lacks the wheels.
That's at least one small part of the "original plan" that I CAN put in motion. Will place a notice in this week's Post about room for two people to & from Tuesday night supper. Not this week - on the last Wednesday of the month, we head down to Philadelphia's Square on Square restaurant for great Chinese food & cool jazz from the All-Star Jazz Trio. Next week - August 5. It's a start.
Other dreams for helping get back to the original plan for our hometown senior residence, located in the heart of our little boro? Stay tuned!!
I've been thinking a lot recently about what was in the original plan for our hometown senior residence, located in the heart of our little boro.
Mom was one of the people who lacked enthusiasm for the plan. A lot of guests - mostly men - stopped by our house & did their best to win her endorsement, or at least mute her reservations.
The way it was described to Mom, the plan was for a place that would bring social life to older people. Why, there would be this wonderful social room - complete with full kitchen - that could serve as the perfect venue for small wedding receptions, for family parties, concerts other special moments. Anyone could use it, not just residents & their families. Why, it would go beyond being simply a retirement community ~ it would be a place that welcomed & nurtured the entire community.
That image of Cairnwood Village that I had from it's beginning, my impression of it's "original plan," is what I still believe in. Expanded even more.
It is a delight to take a grannie client there for dinner every Tuesday. It provides such a lovely opportunity for her to play "catch up" with loved ones & friends. Each time, I leave wanting more.
They advertise the suppers in the hometown newspaper, but I can't recall seeing a notice for their Friday movie night. What fun it would be to take her for a flick with friends! Dinner one night at C.V., movies later in the week - my grannie client would be over the moon. And maybe we could pick up a couple other olders on our way - comfortable room for two more!
There's a challenge - to bring together volunteers to offer a ride to & from for any older who wants to go to dinner, but lacks the wheels.
That's at least one small part of the "original plan" that I CAN put in motion. Will place a notice in this week's Post about room for two people to & from Tuesday night supper. Not this week - on the last Wednesday of the month, we head down to Philadelphia's Square on Square restaurant for great Chinese food & cool jazz from the All-Star Jazz Trio. Next week - August 5. It's a start.
Other dreams for helping get back to the original plan for our hometown senior residence, located in the heart of our little boro? Stay tuned!!
Saturday, July 26, 2014
scents & scentsibility
A beautiful Facebook posting by a dear friend snapped me into great attention about an invisible negative of senior living facilities, whether a simple residence or a full-services "life community."
In the sweet post, she shared coming across her father's medical bag, how the "scent of him" - including an antibiotic ointment, dating back to the 1970s! - hit her straight in the heart.
Imagining the images that filled her mind, whifting the swirls of scents.
There are no personal scents in a senior residence, whatever its size. They are incompatible to the very nature of such practical places, where one resident goes out of an apartment & in a matter of weeks (or less) a new one takes their place. Repeat countless times.
There are no personal scents, nothing to clue in a visiting adult or child "We're at Granddad's or Aunt Joyce's" or to connect the visit to previous ones.
Even if the apartment is scented with Grandma's strudel or a pot of simmering chili on the stove, the rest of the facility is, by design & necessity, virtually scent-free.
No grandchild could "make a memory" to keep forever of a grandfather who smells of peppermint & pipe tobacco - the peppermint, maybe, but pipe tobacco? Not in these smoke-free places.
Scents give all of us an anchor. My guess is that the scent of the ancient ointment zoomed her back to her deeply missed Dad faster & more intensely then any of the tangible items in his doctor's bag.
Scent has the power to transport us, to give an immediate, visceral sense of place & of belonging.
Imagine living in a place where, by design, it's scent-free. That really threw me, had never thought of it before, but now can't shake it's unintended yet unavoidable consequences. Chilled.
In the sweet post, she shared coming across her father's medical bag, how the "scent of him" - including an antibiotic ointment, dating back to the 1970s! - hit her straight in the heart.
Imagining the images that filled her mind, whifting the swirls of scents.
There are no personal scents in a senior residence, whatever its size. They are incompatible to the very nature of such practical places, where one resident goes out of an apartment & in a matter of weeks (or less) a new one takes their place. Repeat countless times.
There are no personal scents, nothing to clue in a visiting adult or child "We're at Granddad's or Aunt Joyce's" or to connect the visit to previous ones.
Even if the apartment is scented with Grandma's strudel or a pot of simmering chili on the stove, the rest of the facility is, by design & necessity, virtually scent-free.
No grandchild could "make a memory" to keep forever of a grandfather who smells of peppermint & pipe tobacco - the peppermint, maybe, but pipe tobacco? Not in these smoke-free places.
Scents give all of us an anchor. My guess is that the scent of the ancient ointment zoomed her back to her deeply missed Dad faster & more intensely then any of the tangible items in his doctor's bag.
Scent has the power to transport us, to give an immediate, visceral sense of place & of belonging.
Imagine living in a place where, by design, it's scent-free. That really threw me, had never thought of it before, but now can't shake it's unintended yet unavoidable consequences. Chilled.
Friday, July 25, 2014
COLLABORATION 07-26-14
The word for the week - collaboration. Per the dictionary, "to work with another person or group in order to achieve or do something."
The sort of collaboration that comes to my mind is the amazing collaboration I've experienced for years with my very first grannie client's family. They are different genders, hold a range of interests, live in a variety of states, span quite a few years. But when it comes to their surviving parent, they snap to & make themselves available. When they've had discussions about next steps in their parent's care care, they've had conferences with the staff where she lives, had out-of-town sibs on the phone, and (most remarkably) included the parent. It is such a pleasure to work with a "best practices" set of children who understand embrace epitomize collaboration.
Thinking back, can remember a lot of families that exhibited those same qualities in giving support to an older or dependent member. Would love to clone them!
Recently, a young acquaintance pulled up stakes from the town & utterly charming home he'd lived in for many years & returned home to care for aging parents. Yes, he, of all the children, was best suited to be their on-site support, but he siblings are involved to, in their own ways. They collaborate, but he has the greater share of responsibility. He seems an exceptionally good son, and that brings its own reward.
My mind goes to my cousins, who held regular conferences about my uncle's welfare. This, in spite of the vast distance the oldest had to travel. When it came to their dad, they bonded in a common trust of loving support.
It's easy to see all the times this isn't so, all the families that can't get past differences or downright fall apart when someone needs helping hands. My own family is an example of a lack of collaboration. Hard to fault my sibs for typically choosing to stand back or offer support when & how it suited them.
Took decades to realize how right my sister-in-law was when she wrote that what I did for Mom was not exceptional, that they all did their part. They DID everything that Mom wanted of them, because she never expected nor seemed to desire them to do anything. They did their part, played their role. I just didn't get it.
For most of my life - maybe forever - a family dynamic has each of the older sibs off on their own orbit, irked & aggravated by a baby sister endlessly trying to corral everyone into a cohesive whole made up of diverse personalities. Took me eons to realize that while such a thing is possible - differences, yet collaboration - it wasn't in this case, with these people.
It wasn't that my sibs shunned drawing together for a greater good. Chalk that up, at least in large part, to Mom. Not many years before she died, mom came to see the importance of letting children see you as a human being; that idea never dawned on her earlier in life. So, when she did, in her late 80s & early 90s - reach out for support, the older kids just couldn't identify that with good ol' Mom, who were comfortable with her treating the older USA-based children as natural dependents & moi. Collaboration was neither on their radar or in their dictionary.
How sad that my family's experience is too often the experience of many families. How wonderful that my experience puts me in a place of compassion for those families, for understanding it's not necessarily an intentional lack that blocks the way, but could be ancient patterns & expectations.
The pity isn't that my family couldn't get our act together to be there, as a united front, for Mom. It's that the rest never grasped that EVERYONE seems to benefit that come from being present, even when it is difficult - maybe, especially if it is difficult. Maybe you have to experience it to understand. Mom & I were blessed - in her late 80s, we read & shared responses to Still Here, by Ram Dass; looking back, am smiling, realizing how little we got what he meant by the outcome of giving up a sense of obligation or guilt over dependency & let - on both parts - the moment be about service.
It's not just the person receiving the care who is benefited, but each & every person lending support. In fact, the gifts only accessible through just tender energy & efforts are greater than the ones they give.
From the time I was in my teens, it was clear how a lot of people take up careers that addressed unresolved or bothersome issues in their own lives. Many the psychologist went into practice because of personal hurts or harms, the son or daughter who went into medicine after a beloved parent died, the students who train to be the caring teacher they never had.
That's me & preaching the secular doctrine of collaboration. It matters to me to do everything possible to help ensure every member of every family gets all the benefits that can flow from being a reliable presence when needed most.
Sure there's a downside to collaborating. It is not easy. The friends who conference about their mother, the young man who left his treasured digs & friends to care for aged parents, the relatives who regularly huddled over my uncle's future - all frequently find themselves challenged, even frustrated bothered irked by the demands. Yet, they continue to put themselves on the line.
To this day, I am sorry for my sibs. Not because they couldn't, for whatever reason, be there for Mom. Sorry because they miss all that flows from heart-felt collaboration.
When family comes together - collaborates in spite of differences, past ancient or active hurts - they gift more than just their loved one. Something beyond description is touched & that touch ripples out in ways we can't imagine.
Collaboration - when we make the time & invest the energies to be there, as a group, for a loved one, the universe opens up & invests energies in each of us.
The sort of collaboration that comes to my mind is the amazing collaboration I've experienced for years with my very first grannie client's family. They are different genders, hold a range of interests, live in a variety of states, span quite a few years. But when it comes to their surviving parent, they snap to & make themselves available. When they've had discussions about next steps in their parent's care care, they've had conferences with the staff where she lives, had out-of-town sibs on the phone, and (most remarkably) included the parent. It is such a pleasure to work with a "best practices" set of children who understand embrace epitomize collaboration.
Thinking back, can remember a lot of families that exhibited those same qualities in giving support to an older or dependent member. Would love to clone them!
Recently, a young acquaintance pulled up stakes from the town & utterly charming home he'd lived in for many years & returned home to care for aging parents. Yes, he, of all the children, was best suited to be their on-site support, but he siblings are involved to, in their own ways. They collaborate, but he has the greater share of responsibility. He seems an exceptionally good son, and that brings its own reward.
My mind goes to my cousins, who held regular conferences about my uncle's welfare. This, in spite of the vast distance the oldest had to travel. When it came to their dad, they bonded in a common trust of loving support.
It's easy to see all the times this isn't so, all the families that can't get past differences or downright fall apart when someone needs helping hands. My own family is an example of a lack of collaboration. Hard to fault my sibs for typically choosing to stand back or offer support when & how it suited them.
Took decades to realize how right my sister-in-law was when she wrote that what I did for Mom was not exceptional, that they all did their part. They DID everything that Mom wanted of them, because she never expected nor seemed to desire them to do anything. They did their part, played their role. I just didn't get it.
For most of my life - maybe forever - a family dynamic has each of the older sibs off on their own orbit, irked & aggravated by a baby sister endlessly trying to corral everyone into a cohesive whole made up of diverse personalities. Took me eons to realize that while such a thing is possible - differences, yet collaboration - it wasn't in this case, with these people.
It wasn't that my sibs shunned drawing together for a greater good. Chalk that up, at least in large part, to Mom. Not many years before she died, mom came to see the importance of letting children see you as a human being; that idea never dawned on her earlier in life. So, when she did, in her late 80s & early 90s - reach out for support, the older kids just couldn't identify that with good ol' Mom, who were comfortable with her treating the older USA-based children as natural dependents & moi. Collaboration was neither on their radar or in their dictionary.
How sad that my family's experience is too often the experience of many families. How wonderful that my experience puts me in a place of compassion for those families, for understanding it's not necessarily an intentional lack that blocks the way, but could be ancient patterns & expectations.
The pity isn't that my family couldn't get our act together to be there, as a united front, for Mom. It's that the rest never grasped that EVERYONE seems to benefit that come from being present, even when it is difficult - maybe, especially if it is difficult. Maybe you have to experience it to understand. Mom & I were blessed - in her late 80s, we read & shared responses to Still Here, by Ram Dass; looking back, am smiling, realizing how little we got what he meant by the outcome of giving up a sense of obligation or guilt over dependency & let - on both parts - the moment be about service.
It's not just the person receiving the care who is benefited, but each & every person lending support. In fact, the gifts only accessible through just tender energy & efforts are greater than the ones they give.
From the time I was in my teens, it was clear how a lot of people take up careers that addressed unresolved or bothersome issues in their own lives. Many the psychologist went into practice because of personal hurts or harms, the son or daughter who went into medicine after a beloved parent died, the students who train to be the caring teacher they never had.
That's me & preaching the secular doctrine of collaboration. It matters to me to do everything possible to help ensure every member of every family gets all the benefits that can flow from being a reliable presence when needed most.
Sure there's a downside to collaborating. It is not easy. The friends who conference about their mother, the young man who left his treasured digs & friends to care for aged parents, the relatives who regularly huddled over my uncle's future - all frequently find themselves challenged, even frustrated bothered irked by the demands. Yet, they continue to put themselves on the line.
To this day, I am sorry for my sibs. Not because they couldn't, for whatever reason, be there for Mom. Sorry because they miss all that flows from heart-felt collaboration.
When family comes together - collaborates in spite of differences, past ancient or active hurts - they gift more than just their loved one. Something beyond description is touched & that touch ripples out in ways we can't imagine.
Collaboration - when we make the time & invest the energies to be there, as a group, for a loved one, the universe opens up & invests energies in each of us.
fevered
This book I aim to write is like a fever on the brain! It's infected my thoughts, so they keep turning to ways to bring a true & lasting difference into the lives of all ages facing the challenge of friends & family growing older, much older.
My life has been so remarkably blessed with opportunities to embed myself into the lives of olders - many of whom just ticked off the years, some of whom spent their life developing into a wise elder. It is revealing to me, realizing that Mom didn't grow into a wise elder in a vacuum, to look back & see the things she did all her life that contributed to everything she was as she tipped the old-o-meter (her phrase) into her 80s & 90s.
Gail Larsen says that to change the world, tell a better story. Seems to me that the best way to improve & upgrade the tools people currently have for being in & work with the challenges & opportunities of significantly older age is to tell a better story. And there's no better one than Mom's. So let's begin.
My life has been so remarkably blessed with opportunities to embed myself into the lives of olders - many of whom just ticked off the years, some of whom spent their life developing into a wise elder. It is revealing to me, realizing that Mom didn't grow into a wise elder in a vacuum, to look back & see the things she did all her life that contributed to everything she was as she tipped the old-o-meter (her phrase) into her 80s & 90s.
Gail Larsen says that to change the world, tell a better story. Seems to me that the best way to improve & upgrade the tools people currently have for being in & work with the challenges & opportunities of significantly older age is to tell a better story. And there's no better one than Mom's. So let's begin.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Facebook shout out
On any given day, five minutes perusing Facebook could bring home things that are absent from my life. Sons heading out on the next chapter of their lives, seaside adventures with granddaughters, hilarious brothers connected through time memories heart, longtime friends serving as sidekicks mentors counselors. How fabulous that Facebook lets me vicariously enjoy those moments & relationships, without any sense of "If only..."
In hind sight, get goosebumps that life has taken the turns it has over the years. If my life was filled with sons & granddaughters & longtime friends, I'd be too busy helping pack, putting on sun screen & having a blast on toots to the Big Apple to be doing the work that matters so much to me.
Thanks to Facebook, I get to savor moments & appreciate all the love & connection they represent. And I get to share my endeavors to promote ways of aging expansively - whether a toddler or adolescent, thirty-something or ancient.
It's doubtful I'd be doing the work of this moment without Facebook. Impossible to describe the impact of having such a glorious community surrounding me with their loves & creativity, insights & information. Impossible to describe the power of being able to put out an idea that just swept over me or ask for input suggestions inspiration.
Hey, Facebook - rock on! .
In hind sight, get goosebumps that life has taken the turns it has over the years. If my life was filled with sons & granddaughters & longtime friends, I'd be too busy helping pack, putting on sun screen & having a blast on toots to the Big Apple to be doing the work that matters so much to me.
Thanks to Facebook, I get to savor moments & appreciate all the love & connection they represent. And I get to share my endeavors to promote ways of aging expansively - whether a toddler or adolescent, thirty-something or ancient.
It's doubtful I'd be doing the work of this moment without Facebook. Impossible to describe the impact of having such a glorious community surrounding me with their loves & creativity, insights & information. Impossible to describe the power of being able to put out an idea that just swept over me or ask for input suggestions inspiration.
Hey, Facebook - rock on! .
elder craft
Trust me, elder craft is anything but as fuddy duddy as it might sound. It's my first foray into actually DOING something to help families & friends have a ball with older loved ones & friends.
Hmmm.... Working on ways to give families & friends creative ways to connect in enriching & rewarding ways with their olders. What a fun project!
Perhaps THE greatest challenge in working with the aged - especially ones who are, by necessity, in a senior care residence - is getting them past a deadening sense of having little to no purpose.
My inner elder care anarchist cries out to move beyond painting & other traditional forms to find ways that we can team with beloved olders to craft new views & fresh perspectives, or just record treasured moments & magic from long ago. Not all drenched in sunshine & rainbows, but light-touch substance, grounded in their interests & loves, even their purpose in this present moment.
Impossible to convey the excitement building in my heart soul spirit as this project latches more & more onto my imagination & energies.
For years, have pondered doing something a la Tryn Rose Seley that encourages an expansive older age, to do it in ways that can be easily shared with youngers, in ways that gets youngers involved & more strongly connected to aging loved ones.
For whatever reason, my mind goes back to when my American niece & her husband brought their 3-year old & baby daughter over to our house for a visit. They were used to visits with Mom, which always revolved around some sort of foodie spread. I wanted something different, something that forged a different sort of connection. When the four of them arrived, I'd set up the island as a craft station. My niece was a bit thrown - wasn't it expecting more of my great-niece than the 3-year old could deliver? I didn't think so. The projects were actually very simple, they just had snazzy results. The things that would have been complicated - like decorating snowflake cookies - were a snap because the prep work (including baking the cookies) had been done ahead of time.
Campbell did a beautiful job decorating the cookies, which we tied up for giving in cellophane bags with ribbons that she selected from my collection. We shaved dark chocolate & added it to cocoa mix, which we then layered in a baby jar with mini marshmallows, sealed it with a lid that she decorated & added the label Campbell's Snowman Soup. I don't remember the 3rd craft, but will never forget the looks of delight on her parents faces watching their little girl & older aunt having great fun or the glee in my brother's voice when he called to say, "Wow!" Today, Campbell is a "tween" & far off in Melbourne, Australia. But our time together all those years ago is still fresh in my mind.
We crafted a connection along with gifts. We both expanded because of that short hour on a December afternoon.
The dynamics that made that such a joyful, enriching occasion are also present in the best creative opportunities with our olders - keep it simple, keep it short, keep it meaningful. Families & friends want ways to connect and older people need ways to... feel more.
Creativity projects - ones that leave everyone feeling GREAT, like Campbell & her parents & me. An idea whose time has come!!
Hmmm.... Working on ways to give families & friends creative ways to connect in enriching & rewarding ways with their olders. What a fun project!
Perhaps THE greatest challenge in working with the aged - especially ones who are, by necessity, in a senior care residence - is getting them past a deadening sense of having little to no purpose.
My inner elder care anarchist cries out to move beyond painting & other traditional forms to find ways that we can team with beloved olders to craft new views & fresh perspectives, or just record treasured moments & magic from long ago. Not all drenched in sunshine & rainbows, but light-touch substance, grounded in their interests & loves, even their purpose in this present moment.
Impossible to convey the excitement building in my heart soul spirit as this project latches more & more onto my imagination & energies.
For years, have pondered doing something a la Tryn Rose Seley that encourages an expansive older age, to do it in ways that can be easily shared with youngers, in ways that gets youngers involved & more strongly connected to aging loved ones.
For whatever reason, my mind goes back to when my American niece & her husband brought their 3-year old & baby daughter over to our house for a visit. They were used to visits with Mom, which always revolved around some sort of foodie spread. I wanted something different, something that forged a different sort of connection. When the four of them arrived, I'd set up the island as a craft station. My niece was a bit thrown - wasn't it expecting more of my great-niece than the 3-year old could deliver? I didn't think so. The projects were actually very simple, they just had snazzy results. The things that would have been complicated - like decorating snowflake cookies - were a snap because the prep work (including baking the cookies) had been done ahead of time.
Campbell did a beautiful job decorating the cookies, which we tied up for giving in cellophane bags with ribbons that she selected from my collection. We shaved dark chocolate & added it to cocoa mix, which we then layered in a baby jar with mini marshmallows, sealed it with a lid that she decorated & added the label Campbell's Snowman Soup. I don't remember the 3rd craft, but will never forget the looks of delight on her parents faces watching their little girl & older aunt having great fun or the glee in my brother's voice when he called to say, "Wow!" Today, Campbell is a "tween" & far off in Melbourne, Australia. But our time together all those years ago is still fresh in my mind.
We crafted a connection along with gifts. We both expanded because of that short hour on a December afternoon.
The dynamics that made that such a joyful, enriching occasion are also present in the best creative opportunities with our olders - keep it simple, keep it short, keep it meaningful. Families & friends want ways to connect and older people need ways to... feel more.
Creativity projects - ones that leave everyone feeling GREAT, like Campbell & her parents & me. An idea whose time has come!!
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
announcing the engagement...
Experiences at last night's Cairnwood Village supper reinforced in so many ways, on so many levels the power & importance of getting a grannie client there, if only for one supper a week.
Can still sense her eager engagement with the lively discussion taking place around the table. She adores jazz, so the back & forth between other jazz devotees left her brain zoomed with joy, while the various opinions on women in the ministry felt like a mind massage.
Am forever impressed that she feels no lack in not tossing in her own two cents. When she is so moved, she does. When not, she just basks in feeling connected to greater whole through general interesting engaging discussion.
When I dropped her off home (after a back roads ramble chasing down the deep red sunset), she seemed still on cloud nine, filled with the sense & wonder of old friends, new acquaintances, & an utterly buzzed brain!
Can still sense her eager engagement with the lively discussion taking place around the table. She adores jazz, so the back & forth between other jazz devotees left her brain zoomed with joy, while the various opinions on women in the ministry felt like a mind massage.
Am forever impressed that she feels no lack in not tossing in her own two cents. When she is so moved, she does. When not, she just basks in feeling connected to greater whole through general interesting engaging discussion.
When I dropped her off home (after a back roads ramble chasing down the deep red sunset), she seemed still on cloud nine, filled with the sense & wonder of old friends, new acquaintances, & an utterly buzzed brain!
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
good as gold
Had the fun of taking a grannie client out for both lunch & supper today. (another side-kick is on vacation, so I am handling her hours) Two very different experiences, one big similarity.
This afternoon, we headed to Pat's Colonial Kitchen, in Newtown, a lovely 30-minute ramble up to Bucks County. She NEVER finishes her lunch, but totally polished off her BLT Salad, which was quite large! When she said, "I'll never be able to eat all this," I'd suggested she at least take care of the gorgeous bits of bacon - next thing I know, the whole thing had vanished!
A mother & her daughter were seated next to us. It was quite a delight to hear the daughter helping her Mom in much the same way I did mine during our many times at Pat's.
Pat - who turned over ownership of the restaurant to her daughter Lisa, but still helps out as a server - sat down for a bit of a gab. (We hadn't seen each other in over a year.) I told her about what's been happening, especially about my senior mission statement project.
She listened intently as I described its whys & wherefores - the excitement of helping olders figure out what matters most to them NOW & write a current day mission statement outlining their here & now values, beliefs, and (gasp!) highest goals.
My grannie client was fascinated. How would something like that apply to HER? We talked about her interests, what matters to her - family, friends, music, her faith. What was missing was any sense that she could, at 92, have any goal, let alone a highest one. We're going to work on that!
Pat thought it was a pretty nifty idea. To my surprise, so did the daughter at the next table! She leaned over to thank me for the opportunity to overhear the discussion. Well, blow me down! She then introduced her mother to us. It was impossible to miss the older woman - she looked great, from her silver hair to her beautiful top & pants outfit. Quality, would be the word I'd use to describe her. Much like Mom.
Well, talk about being knocked over with a feather - it turns out the mother will celebrate her 100th birthday this November!! It was a hoot to hear the daughter turn from talking to us to ask her Mom, "How would you like to celebrate your 100th?"
My grannie client was fairly silent for most of the conversation, which rolled back between the three younger women - Pat, the daughter & myself. But she soaked in every moment, every syllable, and we had plenty to talk about on the ride to get ice cream at Goodnoe's.
Tonight was dinner at our hometown's senior residence. For the first time, we were seated with a couple that she could not place at all - from Michigan, longtime church members, but not connected to anyone she knew. There was a lively discussion about jazz & whether or not women should be included in our priesthood.
It made my heart smile to see the person at the end of the table, sitting next to my dear friend, lean over & try to draw her into conversation. My g.c. would have none of it - she wasn't talking, but was still having a grand time, engaged by the back & forth about Dave Brubeck, Maynard Ferguson & should the church change its position or stand on principle, at the risk of losing membership.
As my dear friend becomes more & more affected by memory challenges, I've noticed that she is less & less apt to join into discussions, but loves the energy of just what's said. I think about a woman from where my g.c. lives who told me that my friend didn't seem to be getting much out of the weekly current events discussion, because she often dozed off during the hour-long event. She was surprised when I assured her my friend always left the gathering full of energy & enthusiasm. Yes, she couldn't remember the specifics of what were discussed, but she loved whatever it is she draws from it. And she will be back on Thursday!
Today, my dear friend underscored for me that the opportunity to be part of a lively discussion, even if she's not apparently participating, means the world to her. It provides connection, being part of a greater whole, a sense of long ago friends & family who had similar discussions, who are long gone but back in her memory when she hears the verve in someone's tone, the passion in their speech. She might have been silent, but to her they were golden moments.
This afternoon, we headed to Pat's Colonial Kitchen, in Newtown, a lovely 30-minute ramble up to Bucks County. She NEVER finishes her lunch, but totally polished off her BLT Salad, which was quite large! When she said, "I'll never be able to eat all this," I'd suggested she at least take care of the gorgeous bits of bacon - next thing I know, the whole thing had vanished!
A mother & her daughter were seated next to us. It was quite a delight to hear the daughter helping her Mom in much the same way I did mine during our many times at Pat's.
Pat - who turned over ownership of the restaurant to her daughter Lisa, but still helps out as a server - sat down for a bit of a gab. (We hadn't seen each other in over a year.) I told her about what's been happening, especially about my senior mission statement project.
She listened intently as I described its whys & wherefores - the excitement of helping olders figure out what matters most to them NOW & write a current day mission statement outlining their here & now values, beliefs, and (gasp!) highest goals.
My grannie client was fascinated. How would something like that apply to HER? We talked about her interests, what matters to her - family, friends, music, her faith. What was missing was any sense that she could, at 92, have any goal, let alone a highest one. We're going to work on that!
Pat thought it was a pretty nifty idea. To my surprise, so did the daughter at the next table! She leaned over to thank me for the opportunity to overhear the discussion. Well, blow me down! She then introduced her mother to us. It was impossible to miss the older woman - she looked great, from her silver hair to her beautiful top & pants outfit. Quality, would be the word I'd use to describe her. Much like Mom.
Well, talk about being knocked over with a feather - it turns out the mother will celebrate her 100th birthday this November!! It was a hoot to hear the daughter turn from talking to us to ask her Mom, "How would you like to celebrate your 100th?"
My grannie client was fairly silent for most of the conversation, which rolled back between the three younger women - Pat, the daughter & myself. But she soaked in every moment, every syllable, and we had plenty to talk about on the ride to get ice cream at Goodnoe's.
Tonight was dinner at our hometown's senior residence. For the first time, we were seated with a couple that she could not place at all - from Michigan, longtime church members, but not connected to anyone she knew. There was a lively discussion about jazz & whether or not women should be included in our priesthood.
It made my heart smile to see the person at the end of the table, sitting next to my dear friend, lean over & try to draw her into conversation. My g.c. would have none of it - she wasn't talking, but was still having a grand time, engaged by the back & forth about Dave Brubeck, Maynard Ferguson & should the church change its position or stand on principle, at the risk of losing membership.
As my dear friend becomes more & more affected by memory challenges, I've noticed that she is less & less apt to join into discussions, but loves the energy of just what's said. I think about a woman from where my g.c. lives who told me that my friend didn't seem to be getting much out of the weekly current events discussion, because she often dozed off during the hour-long event. She was surprised when I assured her my friend always left the gathering full of energy & enthusiasm. Yes, she couldn't remember the specifics of what were discussed, but she loved whatever it is she draws from it. And she will be back on Thursday!
Today, my dear friend underscored for me that the opportunity to be part of a lively discussion, even if she's not apparently participating, means the world to her. It provides connection, being part of a greater whole, a sense of long ago friends & family who had similar discussions, who are long gone but back in her memory when she hears the verve in someone's tone, the passion in their speech. She might have been silent, but to her they were golden moments.
Friday, July 18, 2014
Happy Landings!
Well, we sure "stuck" The Landing yesterday - as in, we nailed it. Realized that Pat's Colonial Kitchen would be the perfect place for a rainy Friday & Charcoal will be ideal for a hot one, but yesterday's perfect weather was definitely meant for outdoor dining, so off to The Landing we went!
My grannie client wasn't in her room at 10:30, when I called to remind her about the earlier 11:00 pick-up (usually 11:30). She wasn't there when I pulled over at 10:45 to call from the road. When I rang her apartment from the front desk, she'd JUST gotten back from a delightful, conversation & good friend filled breakfast. And was gleeful to be heading out immediately!
Downstairs, our guest & I waited as my g.c. scrubbed her teeth, brushed her hair & checked her lipstick, all done in record time. A scant ten minutes later, we were on our way!
I took the most direct, practical route. Didn't give a thought to the stretch through Bryn Athyn, steep dip into the leafy beauty of the Pennypack Creek environs, a white house atop a bluff standing sentry over the little valley, the sharp turn right at the old mill, the sight of the itty bitty bridge crossing the creek (one car at a time), then past the old-fashion, still-in-service post office.
Had to bop in to send off a letter & pick up my B.A. mail (when I got married at 37, I gave up my name, my home, my lifelong phone # - I was NOT going to give up my lifelong box #!). Our guest was intrigued that Anne & I knew everyone coming in & out - amazed with our descriptions of who they were, how we knew them. It is easy to forget, having always lived in a tenderly connected community, how unusual it is in this day & age.
Much like forgetting the impact of going up Station Hill to South Avenue & the view of first Boro Park, then the sweep across & up the teeny valley to the cathedral. For me, it's background, something that's always been part of my life.
To save time, we did not go out of our way to drive through the Churchville Nature Center, but even the drive we took was pretty (once we got through the Southampton/Richboro "mega"tropolis. Endless rolling countryside & vast stretches of clouds.
Oh, the clouds! This grannie client LOVES clouds & was utterly entranced the entire drive with the stunning display - dramatic white white clouds against a piercing blue sky.
She has some memory challenges, so was happy to remember so many spots along the way & even the turns. Like the one off onto a small road that took us through part of the Pidcock Creek watershed. Again, it's my normal drive (preferred to dropping down into New Hope via Rt. 232's steep hill) so easy to forget how lovely it is, how calming & peaceful. We pointed out favorite houses & spots to our guest, who seemed to be enjoying it all.
The approach to New Hope from Aquetong & the River Road is always special, but yesterday it felt almost magical - the canal to our right, then the river, and hillside on our left, all covered by a leafy canopy.
In New Hope, we pulled into the virtually invisible Porches on the Towpath. Chrissie can out, double time, to see who was parking where they shouldn't be. Glory be, they are totally booked this week, so Gunnie was relegated to alley parking - right alongside the very room that John & I will stay in for our 25th wedding anniversary! We made our good byes to super-busy Chrissie & headed down the drive & across the road to The Landing, directly opposite.
If you walked past The Landing, it would pull your attention with its beautiful trees & plantings, the house-like restaurant set back many feet, down a brick path. Walk up to the door & a chalkboard sign directs you around the corner to the terrace. You walk to the left, turn right - and what a view unfolds! The terrace is directly on the Delaware, with a glorious view of Lambertville on the opposite shore. Seated in a prime location, right by the railing, there's a smashing view of the New Hope-:Lambertville bridge, the sound of traffic a soothing rumble.
The ladies were delighted with the river view. Directly below us, on the river bank, a swan kept an eye on two adolescent cygnets paddling on the river; they were about half way between the soft-grey feathers of youth & into the pure white of maturity. A mama duck was giving her 8 (or was it 9?) tiny ducklings a lesson on the ways of the river, while a good half dozen other ducks kept nipping up & down & all around.
Right next door, there's a dock up river, between The Landing & Fred's Breakfast Club, home to Wells Ferry Boat Rides. My grannie client expressed great interest in heading off on an excursion on the Delaware - alas, weekends only! I managed to turn her attention to the much newer dock moored right in front of The Landing, two amazing shells at its side.
Dragon Boats!! Dragon Boat racing was introduced in Hong Kong almost 40 years ago. Back then, Hong Kong - under British rule - saw Dragon Boat racing as a grand way to promote tourism. It quickly spread to other parts of Asia, Europe & Canada, which started holding their own festival races.
These two were classic Dragon Boat shells - long, sleek, with seating for 10 pairs of paddlers, a seat in the front facing the paddlers for a drummer & one in the back for someone who steers. I've always wanted to see a Dragon Boat race & never knew there was a team so close by!
Also on deck were two kyak, one a deep blue 1-man, the other a deep pink 2-seater. To my ladies' delight, an incredibly trim fellow took out the deep blue kyak for a spin on the river!
Closer to the opposite shore, a 4-man (or woman) shell heading up river gets me wondering if they're the same crew that were snagged by the bridge back in May. One of the Dragon Boats, out on a practice, turned to when they heard the cries for help & the coach directed the rescue. What a sight that must have been!
My grannie client wasn't in her room at 10:30, when I called to remind her about the earlier 11:00 pick-up (usually 11:30). She wasn't there when I pulled over at 10:45 to call from the road. When I rang her apartment from the front desk, she'd JUST gotten back from a delightful, conversation & good friend filled breakfast. And was gleeful to be heading out immediately!
Downstairs, our guest & I waited as my g.c. scrubbed her teeth, brushed her hair & checked her lipstick, all done in record time. A scant ten minutes later, we were on our way!
I took the most direct, practical route. Didn't give a thought to the stretch through Bryn Athyn, steep dip into the leafy beauty of the Pennypack Creek environs, a white house atop a bluff standing sentry over the little valley, the sharp turn right at the old mill, the sight of the itty bitty bridge crossing the creek (one car at a time), then past the old-fashion, still-in-service post office.
Had to bop in to send off a letter & pick up my B.A. mail (when I got married at 37, I gave up my name, my home, my lifelong phone # - I was NOT going to give up my lifelong box #!). Our guest was intrigued that Anne & I knew everyone coming in & out - amazed with our descriptions of who they were, how we knew them. It is easy to forget, having always lived in a tenderly connected community, how unusual it is in this day & age.
Much like forgetting the impact of going up Station Hill to South Avenue & the view of first Boro Park, then the sweep across & up the teeny valley to the cathedral. For me, it's background, something that's always been part of my life.
To save time, we did not go out of our way to drive through the Churchville Nature Center, but even the drive we took was pretty (once we got through the Southampton/Richboro "mega"tropolis. Endless rolling countryside & vast stretches of clouds.
Oh, the clouds! This grannie client LOVES clouds & was utterly entranced the entire drive with the stunning display - dramatic white white clouds against a piercing blue sky.
She has some memory challenges, so was happy to remember so many spots along the way & even the turns. Like the one off onto a small road that took us through part of the Pidcock Creek watershed. Again, it's my normal drive (preferred to dropping down into New Hope via Rt. 232's steep hill) so easy to forget how lovely it is, how calming & peaceful. We pointed out favorite houses & spots to our guest, who seemed to be enjoying it all.
The approach to New Hope from Aquetong & the River Road is always special, but yesterday it felt almost magical - the canal to our right, then the river, and hillside on our left, all covered by a leafy canopy.
In New Hope, we pulled into the virtually invisible Porches on the Towpath. Chrissie can out, double time, to see who was parking where they shouldn't be. Glory be, they are totally booked this week, so Gunnie was relegated to alley parking - right alongside the very room that John & I will stay in for our 25th wedding anniversary! We made our good byes to super-busy Chrissie & headed down the drive & across the road to The Landing, directly opposite.
If you walked past The Landing, it would pull your attention with its beautiful trees & plantings, the house-like restaurant set back many feet, down a brick path. Walk up to the door & a chalkboard sign directs you around the corner to the terrace. You walk to the left, turn right - and what a view unfolds! The terrace is directly on the Delaware, with a glorious view of Lambertville on the opposite shore. Seated in a prime location, right by the railing, there's a smashing view of the New Hope-:Lambertville bridge, the sound of traffic a soothing rumble.
The ladies were delighted with the river view. Directly below us, on the river bank, a swan kept an eye on two adolescent cygnets paddling on the river; they were about half way between the soft-grey feathers of youth & into the pure white of maturity. A mama duck was giving her 8 (or was it 9?) tiny ducklings a lesson on the ways of the river, while a good half dozen other ducks kept nipping up & down & all around.
Right next door, there's a dock up river, between The Landing & Fred's Breakfast Club, home to Wells Ferry Boat Rides. My grannie client expressed great interest in heading off on an excursion on the Delaware - alas, weekends only! I managed to turn her attention to the much newer dock moored right in front of The Landing, two amazing shells at its side.
Dragon Boats!! Dragon Boat racing was introduced in Hong Kong almost 40 years ago. Back then, Hong Kong - under British rule - saw Dragon Boat racing as a grand way to promote tourism. It quickly spread to other parts of Asia, Europe & Canada, which started holding their own festival races.
These two were classic Dragon Boat shells - long, sleek, with seating for 10 pairs of paddlers, a seat in the front facing the paddlers for a drummer & one in the back for someone who steers. I've always wanted to see a Dragon Boat race & never knew there was a team so close by!
Also on deck were two kyak, one a deep blue 1-man, the other a deep pink 2-seater. To my ladies' delight, an incredibly trim fellow took out the deep blue kyak for a spin on the river!
Closer to the opposite shore, a 4-man (or woman) shell heading up river gets me wondering if they're the same crew that were snagged by the bridge back in May. One of the Dragon Boats, out on a practice, turned to when they heard the cries for help & the coach directed the rescue. What a sight that must have been!
No such drama for us, just tranquil beauty as far as the eye could see.
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