Had the fun of taking a grannie client out for both lunch & supper today. (another side-kick is on vacation, so I am handling her hours) Two very different experiences, one big similarity.
This afternoon, we headed to Pat's Colonial Kitchen, in Newtown, a lovely 30-minute ramble up to Bucks County. She NEVER finishes her lunch, but totally polished off her BLT Salad, which was quite large! When she said, "I'll never be able to eat all this," I'd suggested she at least take care of the gorgeous bits of bacon - next thing I know, the whole thing had vanished!
A mother & her daughter were seated next to us. It was quite a delight to hear the daughter helping her Mom in much the same way I did mine during our many times at Pat's.
Pat - who turned over ownership of the restaurant to her daughter Lisa, but still helps out as a server - sat down for a bit of a gab. (We hadn't seen each other in over a year.) I told her about what's been happening, especially about my senior mission statement project.
She listened intently as I described its whys & wherefores - the excitement of helping olders figure out what matters most to them NOW & write a current day mission statement outlining their here & now values, beliefs, and (gasp!) highest goals.
My grannie client was fascinated. How would something like that apply to HER? We talked about her interests, what matters to her - family, friends, music, her faith. What was missing was any sense that she could, at 92, have any goal, let alone a highest one. We're going to work on that!
Pat thought it was a pretty nifty idea. To my surprise, so did the daughter at the next table! She leaned over to thank me for the opportunity to overhear the discussion. Well, blow me down! She then introduced her mother to us. It was impossible to miss the older woman - she looked great, from her silver hair to her beautiful top & pants outfit. Quality, would be the word I'd use to describe her. Much like Mom.
Well, talk about being knocked over with a feather - it turns out the mother will celebrate her 100th birthday this November!! It was a hoot to hear the daughter turn from talking to us to ask her Mom, "How would you like to celebrate your 100th?"
My grannie client was fairly silent for most of the conversation, which rolled back between the three younger women - Pat, the daughter & myself. But she soaked in every moment, every syllable, and we had plenty to talk about on the ride to get ice cream at Goodnoe's.
Tonight was dinner at our hometown's senior residence. For the first time, we were seated with a couple that she could not place at all - from Michigan, longtime church members, but not connected to anyone she knew. There was a lively discussion about jazz & whether or not women should be included in our priesthood.
It made my heart smile to see the person at the end of the table, sitting next to my dear friend, lean over & try to draw her into conversation. My g.c. would have none of it - she wasn't talking, but was still having a grand time, engaged by the back & forth about Dave Brubeck, Maynard Ferguson & should the church change its position or stand on principle, at the risk of losing membership.
As my dear friend becomes more & more affected by memory challenges, I've noticed that she is less & less apt to join into discussions, but loves the energy of just what's said. I think about a woman from where my g.c. lives who told me that my friend didn't seem to be getting much out of the weekly current events discussion, because she often dozed off during the hour-long event. She was surprised when I assured her my friend always left the gathering full of energy & enthusiasm. Yes, she couldn't remember the specifics of what were discussed, but she loved whatever it is she draws from it. And she will be back on Thursday!
Today, my dear friend underscored for me that the opportunity to be part of a lively discussion, even if she's not apparently participating, means the world to her. It provides connection, being part of a greater whole, a sense of long ago friends & family who had similar discussions, who are long gone but back in her memory when she hears the verve in someone's tone, the passion in their speech. She might have been silent, but to her they were golden moments.
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