Practicing gratitude is one of the seven key steps that help foster happiness. Too many people don't know that these seven steps exist, that we can all use them to create or boost our capacity for happiness. Some feel like I've aced them, others I'm working on, one in particular that awaits my attentions.
The seven are:
- Get in the Flow.
- Make exercise part of every day.
- Develop strong, healthy relationships.
- Put your focus on intrinsic goals - compassion, cooperation, being of service.
- Find something to do that offers a sense of meaning, of purpose.
- Act with compassion.
- Practice gratitude.
Get in the Flow: That's not a typo - Flow, in this context, is capitalized. Also referred to as the Zone, Flow is the mental state we get into when we're doing something that gives us a sense of focused energies, of being fully engaged in the moment, of utter enjoyment in what we are doing. Smiling, writing this & remembering a grannie client who loves jazz, of the look on her face & the sense of her physical being as she soaks in the a live performance by fabulous trio, less than 10 feet in front of us. She is SO in the Zone! And the sense of those relatively few moments carry over into the rest of her week & beyond.
Make exercise part of every day: Exercise helps release dopamine, a chemical in our brain that triggers feelings of pleasure & happiness. The bad news is that the dopamine's system of transmitters & receptors deteriorate as we age; the good news is that regular EXERCISE helps maintain its health. A lot of my older friends who aren't able to get out to a walking track, tennis court or dance studio take advantage of Wii activities, videos that get players to MOVE - hopping, wriggling, serving, volleying, even throwing a left-hook at a virtual boxing opponent. Although Wii videos don't do a lot for younger people, who need more rigorous activity to be of serious benefit, they seem a just-right fit for older folks. The Wii Balance Board, which can find players moving their bodies as if steering a surfboard, has helped players improve their ability to stand straight, as well as monitor their BMI & other fitness stats, things that were once virtually unknown to most folks of my parents' generation. A study published in 2009 showed that an 89-year old woman suffering from a balance disorder, who had a history of falls, significantly improved her sense of equilibrium after six sessions of Wii Bowling, a particularly cheering outcome since the falls are a leading cause of injury-related deaths among the elderly.
Develop strong, healthy relationships: Mom had a talent for developing relationships with others. Dad, her O! Best Beloved, died at a heartbreaking 63. Two years later, at 65 (then considered getting up there), she made her first trip to Australia, to stay with my brother & his wife for several months. In addition to helping with their first baby, Mom developed strong ties to many families, becoming an honorary Mum to at least one. The last of her seven trips Down Under was when she was 85!
Although she lost all of her close friends - through death or moving - by the time she hit 90, Mom started sending regularly irregularly e-mails to a growing & adoring dist list, mostly made up of youngsters under 50. No one was more surprised than Mom that her circle of friends actually grew as she entered her nineties, thanks to the the internet. New friendships, deep connections to people dear to her heart but never met, were her new normal.
As Mom wrote in a 07/16/00 e-mail to her "Mindwalker1910" dist list, My online "family" brings unexpected and incalculable blessings, fulfilling in this life the promise that "with thought brings presence," all at the click of a mouse. Yet she never touched a keyboard - she composed her postings, I transcribed to keyboard, onto the internet. Helping today's oldsters gain access to the internet, including Skype, can open ways for them to "visit" even family & friends who live a distance away. Virtual visits via internet are wonderful, but nothing can touch face-to-face connection.
I've had grannie clients who rarely saw family members who lived in the same town & others who knew they'd see them regularly - the difference between the two was astonishing. Youngsters - be aware pf the power of your presence ~ AND ~ that the best way to assure having strong, healthy relationships when you're up there in years is to start developing them now!
Focus on intrinsic goals: It doesn't take a rocket scientist or a PhD in positive psych to know that people who focus primarily on accumulating wealth & power are less likely to experience lasting happiness than those who focus on less worldly goals, who strive to be compassionate, to be of service, to cooperate & collaborate on ways to make life better for others as well as themselves. Bill Gates made one of the greatest fortunes ever, then retired at 52 to form & lead the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, At 76, Bill's mentor in business & philanthropy, Warren Buffet, pledged to give all his Berkshire Hathaway stock to philanthropic foundations. It's a thrill to me when I walk with a grannie client through the halls of her senior residence, seeing the faces of the other residents lighting up as they see her, hearing the happiness in their voices as they greet her by name, watching the change in their posture as we walk toward them - she is known by all to be kind & generous, always ready with a smile & cheery greeting. She is, in her own way, every bit as effective in her form of philanthropy & outreach as Warren or Bill & Melinda!
Be part of something "bigger": Every one of my grannie clients have always attended - in person or via internet - weekly church or synagogue services. I doubt any of them would have thought of that as being part of something bigger than themselves, but it was & is. I find myself thinking about Shareen, friends' elderly mother. For years, her children took great care to get her to church. Now, one of her children watches the live stream of the Sunday morning church service with her. As she experiences the cathedral service from the coziness of her room in the home she shares with one of her sons & his wife, she is part of the congregation down the road & up the hill sitting in the church as well as the world-wide congregation watching via internet connection.
Act with compassion: Who better than the Dali Lama to express the power of compassion in nurturing happiness? From my own limited experience I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being becomes. Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. This helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the ultimate source of success in life. Nuff said.
Practice gratitude: As mentioned, Mom was a great role model of practicing daily gratitude. Her embrace of gratitude & its impact on her life, on many lives, went far beyond that daily list, compiled every night & reviewed every morning. Mom corresponded regularly with a long list of friends & relatives, from young men & women she met through our local college to nieces & nephews, children & grandchildren & a host of friends. Often, her letters were expressions of gratitude, gratitude for so many things. And theirs to her were almost always filled with thanks for her friendship, her guidance, her example. Whether reading or writing a letter, Mom always got a bounce from the experience. By writing her list, she ended each day on an up note; by reviewing it first thing the next morning, she started each day on a grateful high.
Seven steps to happiness. So far, I regularly take five of them. Feeling Mom looking over my shoulder, wondering why not all seven. Wondering myself.
How many do you make part of your day? Mom's wondering.
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