Debunking a harsh fallacy

Was stunned to read the following line in an Amazon reader review of Jonathan Kozol's, The Theft of Memory - - "One wonders if those with Alzheimer's disease want their children to be telling the story of their descent into uselessness."

 

 

Uselessness?  We don't know what Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia are all about, far more clueless than we want to let on.  But one thing I absolutely know is that we are all, every last one of us, useful to the very end of our days.

To the person diagnosed with Alzheimer's falls the far greater burden of that ignorance.  We don't know why they go through the variation of stages that typically mark the wretched progression, but I know that they are called to show more courage in facing each than I can imagine.  They need to fight to be the best possible self they can muster within each moment.  And to feel loved respected honored for who they are at their inviolate core.

 

The Theft of Memory - like Being Mortal,  Slow Dancing With A Stranger, I'm Still Here - is a book we all, individually & communally, should read, young old ancient.  

Form your own opinion. Personally, we are so unaware of what is actually happening let alone way, I choose to brush aside labels like descending, elevated or whatever & cross out thoughts of uselessness.  

Wherever we are, whoever we are, let's make, let's do all we can to help others make, the most of whatever is NOW.

Heather McHugh - Expansive Hall of Fame

first posted on DreamReweaver....

Yes, Heather McHugh is a 2009 MacArthur fellow, but she is SO much more than a massively gifted poet.  She is one heck of a human being!  Faced with the $500,000 grant that comes with being named a fellow & realizing how stressed out caregivers of the severely disabled get, she started Caregifted, a nonprofit that awards vacations to folks who've put in a decade or more giving full-time care to a family member.

She became alerted to the need for a serious break when her godson had a baby with severe disabilities, a daughter who will never walk, talk or be able to feed herself.  The enormity of it all inspired her to DO something.  Thanks to the MacArthur Foundation - and the fact the money is given without any strings, to be used however the fellow wishes - she made it happen.

“I can see how hard some lives are and how much they deserve tribute,” McHugh said. “They do it for their families, they do it out of love, but what they do benefits everybody and nobody’s thinking about it. Nobody’s waving thank you at them.


“They ask for the simplest things on vacation,” she said. “They want to go for a walk when they want to. They want to read a book.”

May we all come close to living & giving as expansively as Heather McHugh, MacArthur Fellow & Expansive Living Hall of Famer!

Sam Elliot inducted into the Expansive Living Hall of Fame

 

I never miss the chance to watch Sam Elliot, whether in movies or on television.  A recent New York Times article brought home how much I enjoy his acting, yet appreciate even more the sense of the man.  And now, at 71, he's one heck of a great role model for not letting age be anything but a number.  The NY Times article inspired me to dub the terrific actor & pretty remarkable guy the first inductee to the Expansive Living Hall of Fame!  Just look at the photo of Sam with his daughter & wife - who better personifies living expansively?!

Sam Elliot comes across in his roles as the genuine article.  He is my first inductee to the EXPANSIVE LIVING HALL of FAME.  No one better.  He has the career chops, is still breaking new ground in his acting, seems about as grounded as they come, and remains married to someone whose clearly his life partner, Katharine Ross.  Maybe he'll even managed to wangle the singing role he covets!

Why Sam Elliot?  The New York Times article says it all...

"He was always smart with his money, he said, and a saver, which let him appear in the three indie films this year, to his great satisfaction."

~ ~ ~

 Mr. Elliott was speaking in his rambling, Southwestern-style seaside home, as one of his dogs, Dionne, aged and ailing, lay sighing at his feet. Mr. Elliott and his wife, the actress Katharine Ross (enduringly known as the bride in “The Graduate”), have been living on their three acres here for some 40 years, first in a house that burned to the ground in a brush fire, then in a double-wide trailer, and finally in this home, set amid an Edenic thicket of flowering trees. They used to stable horses on the property, but now just keep chickens, along with Dionne and a waddling, one-eyed Chihuahua named Marina.

~ ~ ~

Mr. Elliott ended up loving to work with the Coens, and the admiration was mutual. After shooting the last scene perhaps 15 times, Mr. Elliott finally said, “Guys, you’ve got to tell me what you want.” They replied, he recalled, that they had gotten what they wanted on the sixth take, but just loved watching him do it over and over again.

 ~ ~ ~

In a cinematic landscape riddled with man-boys and testosteronic action men, Mr. Elliott exudes effortless gentlemanliness and old-fashioned assuredness and calm.

~ ~ ~

 
He described his leading man as “extremely sensitive and insightful; kind and generous and very smart.” Paul Weitz called him “one of the most gentlemanly, kind people I’ve come across.” Peter Sohn, who directed Pixar’s coming “The Good Dinosaur,” for which Mr. Elliott voiced a Tyrannosaurus named Butch, said Mr. Elliott was jaw-droppingly perfect in the role and heartwarmingly sincere.

Each had stories of Mr. Elliott’s decency on the set. Of his refusing to let anyone fetch him a drink. Of his showing up in his pickup truck so early for work that Mr. Weitz initially mistook him for an especially eager crew member. Of his readily agreeing to go with Mr. Haley to a retirement community to thank its residents for letting them film there. “He said: ‘That’s a good thing you’re doing. I’ll be there,’ ” Mr. Haley recalled. “He took pictures with people for hours and hours.”

~ ~ ~

 

Second nature, Mr. Elliott said. “Gentlemanliness comes natural to me. That’s the way I was raised,” he said. “That’s part of the deal.”

Characteristics we would all do well to cultivate, including - especially - the gentlemanliness.

Recalling memories

originally posted on older2elder....

Whether it's my childhood or high school years or the eons stretching between then & now, I've been gifted with the ability to reach back & recapture special memories with remarkable ease.  

People are amazed at the small moments that came easily back to me.  Mim was the same way, ditto Mom. 

I remember my oldest brother, Peter, saying - after his first granddaughter, Campbell, was born - that he wouldn't believe my detailed memories of Whitney at the same age (very much alike, the two baby girls, aka mother & daughter) EXCEPT Mim shared the same ones with him, so he had to believe them.

For the first time - just 13 years ago - it hit me that the Lockhart Ladies' knack for remembering the long ago was out of the ordinary, a gift worth honoring.  

That knack for dredging up ancient memories serves me well in this present moment, recalling & sharing a lifetime of special moments featuring my sister.  It's a joy to post a "Mim memory du jour," to honor a sister who filled my life with unforgettable moments, amazing insights, unimaginable lessons.

a sorrow - That Your Days May Be Long

As the book moves forward, a sorrow is not being able to include my sister, who died last month after a long decline & a short hospitalization.  

We had different ways of honoring our parents, sometimes polar opposites.  The book needs to hold the many different ways to nurture a 5th commandment mindset.  How enriching it would have been to hear her perspective & experiences.

I will never hear Mim's thoughts, her insights on how we - from the cradle - nurture our 5th commandment mindset.  There isn't a doubt in my mind she would have many things to share.

It is a sadness.  

collaboration - That Your Days May Be Long

Every day, new - often unexpected - aspects of my book come drifting up into consciousness.  Hadn't thought about it as the fruit of an interconnecting, collaborative experience, which it's clearly going to be.  

Looking around my little hometown, there's person after person with priceless stories that reflect directly on nurturing a 5th commandment mindset.  And I get to talk to them, get to be inspired by their experiences & insights.  

A new blessing appears every day.  It is almost as if the book already exists, that I am simply opening the way for it to reveal itself.