It all DEPENDS

When I agreed to start breakfasting with an older friend at her very nice senior residence, didn't realize how wondrously it would impact what I do.  People are more casual at breakfast.  Because they are still waking up, they're more laid back.  There is more back & forth between residents & their care partners.  It's a terrific time for connecting & gabbing & getting new insights.

One older woman arrives four days out of seven looking beautiful, her hair elegantly brushed out to a sophisticated splendor - over the weekend, she arrives looking unkempt, a little tattered.  Why the difference?  The fabulous woman with her during the week takes a few moments - that's all it takes - to make sure her hair looks just right.  The ones over the weekend don't.  What a difference a few moments make in how she feels, how she looks!

I've gotten to know more residents than I have over all the years I've worked with my older friend.  People are more approachable & welcoming.  Almost like an informal breakfast club!

And I've gotten to know other care partners, a delightful unexpected consequence.  As we help get our friends breakfasts together - waiting at the grill for one egg, one piece of toast, one piece of bacon - we get to talking.

Interesting story came up the other day that still has me pondering.  One of the gals was telling about her client still being upset after an unfortunate accident the day before when she didn't realize she needed to use the bathroom until it was too late.  They were just about to go into a restaurant for dinner, had to turn around & head back home.  It had been a mess to clean up, clothing needed to be trashed, even the shoes were goners.

"Time for Depends," I chimed in.  "They were a godsend for Mom."

"Oh, no!" the care partner yelped.  "Depends encourages incontinence.  Only go to them as a last resort."

Well, that gave me pause.  First, her client is in her late 80s.  So what if Depends encourages incontinence - it would help head off another dreadful accident.  Most of all, it would help preserve her client's peace of mind & her sense of dignity.  

Curious about whether or not using an garment pad encourages incontinence, I did an online search.  It's true that some physical therapists are horrified by people in their 40s & 50s embrace occasional incontinence as "part of who I am now" & wear Depends, rather than checking out the cause of their problem & possibly solving it.  But this woman was in her late 80s!

Here's my experience.  Once Mom had an unfortunate incident - which totally mortified her & made her feel utterly helpless - she immediately started using Depends, occasionally Poise.  She was surprised & pleased at how much like panties they were & wore them, without fail.  There were few times that they actually served their fullest use, but praise be she had them on at those times!

Use garment pads or not?  Do they encourage incontinence or help preserve dignity?  Guess it all DEPENDS on your point of view & sense of priorities!

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