How many books - t.v. shows - downloads have been produced on the importance of making & sticking to a financial budget? The mind boggles at the number!
Just as financial budgets are essential for our well-being, I've found that having a friendship budget - with unlimited reserves waiting to be wisely used - is just as essential. A 401k might fall to pieces, those blue chip stocks might belly up, a Roth ira might go totally off track, but investments into & withdraws from my 401gf* are guaranteed to last a lifetime.
This was recently brought home by experiences with two different clients. One is moving from independent living to the personal care section of her retirement community. The other is getting familiar with a new town, new surroundings, new dynamics, having moved from her longtime home to live with family.
In both their cases, they & their families are able to handle the financial hit brought by the changes. But a lot - maybe even the majority - of people in similar situations would be set back on their heels. Maybe the added expense of personal care would mean Dad has to sacrifice the priceless outs & abouts that helped keep him engaged & perking along. Maybe the move took more financial outlay than expected, maybe Mom's beloved house isn't finding a buyer, maybe maybe maybe.
Sadly, it's not unusual for friends to find that the attention & activities I provide falls into the "non-essential" category & needs to make way for new meds, extra daily care, the cost of a decent wheel chair or a supply of Depends.
What I do is regarded by many as an "indulgence," a luxury that only those with big bucks can afford. I consider it essential. Which is why I throw the occasional "Movie & Martinelli's" night at our local retirement community; why I do "Tea Cup Tours" - out & abouts to small museums, cozy tea rooms & holiday shopping, where the only cost older friends have to cover is their own expenses; why I long to forge closer ties between our local college & the retirement community that's just a stone's throw down the road from each other. There HAVE to be things that my older friends can do that are fun & expansive, where their presence is the return on another's investment, where there's interchange between generations - where they can do all this without having to wreak havoc on their financials.
Interesting thing about when I dip into my friendship budget & cover the cost of the nibbles & sips for a "Movie & Martinelli's" night, the gas & other costs on an outing, the time & energy working to forge connections between the very young & the much older - my budget never depletes. Each new activity is a new deposit.
Here's an ideal set-up: Last night, John & I discussed suggesting to a movie buff friend having a Thursday film night at his house. We'd provide dinner, he'd underwrite dessert & the three of us would alternate picking the movie. What looks like something nice we're doing for him is actually a total deposit into our joint friendship account - we get the company of a beloved elder, I get incentive to cook a good meal, and we all get to watch a great flick.
It's easy for us to do a movie night celebration, one-on-one with a friend or for a group. Going out for rambles is part of my Reynolds-Lockhart DNA - Dad never took the same route from a destination as the one he took to (and John is the same). Finding interesting things to do that don't cost a lot or any money is a natural talent nurtured by an adventurous older, often flat broke sister. Belief in the importance of having a robust friendship budget that repletes with each personal expenditure - that's an awareness that's been in me since birth.
Financial budgets are all well & good. They help assure we live in a nice place with appropriate clothing for each season, that we have enough to eat & enough to cover unexpected expenses, hopefully enough to plan for large or small indulgences. But - to me - having a friendship budget, with unlimited reserves on hand, is perhaps even more essential. Yes, even more.
When I invest time & energy & even $$$ into an outing or an event with older friends, we all end up with fresh infusions of capital into our friendship budgets. Call me the Jim Cramer - or, better yet, Louis Rukeyser - of friendship investing, encouraging one & all, old - young - in between, to get into the market because it's HOT. But only if you're off the sidelines & actively investing.
When friendship is part of your stock in trade, everyone is richer for it.
* 401gf - my good friend account! a tweak on Girlfriendology.com
photo credits: fierceattachments.com, cypressunited.com, thepracticingcatholic.com
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