A grannie client occasionally calls me up to announce, "I'm B-O-R-E-D!" ~ my cue to hoof it over & hie her away to some adventure.
Praise be, she still experiences boredom, still expects to shake it off, to get engaged with activity, with energies, with full-throttle living. It feels to me that a lot of people - even at her very nice, full-service, lots of activities senior residence - live with a chronic base note of boredom, a muted but persistent sense of listlessness, of not having anything they have to do or particularly want to do. It becomes their expectation. Not this grannie client!
We've talked about how different her life is now than it was a few years back. No house to clean, no meals to cook, no driving that needs doing, no yard to keep up. As one senior residence puts it, they offer a full range of living options, with services to cover every need. Sounds lovely! Except this grannie client was an avid gardener (a small section of a small garden plot isn't the same), loved trying out new recipes, enjoyed having friends over for dinner or just a cuppa. None of those opportunities really exist where she lives now - the available segment of the small garden plot isn't big enough to satisfy (& it's a 10-minute walk from her apartment, up & down four floors), a nice meal plan ensures she never has to cook, her personal living space is adequate for one but too small to welcome guests.
Small wonder she gets bored. And good on her! Boredom is a good thing, letting her know, "You need stimulation!" She hasn't - I doubt she ever will - succumb to accepting an assumption of nothing to do as her norm, with no place she really wants to be.
There is great power in feeling B-O-R-E-D. It's often not convenient for her family or for me, but ~ praise be ~ she still experiences boredom, still expects to turn it around.
Many a time, I've asked, "How about reading?" or "Great time to write in your journal!" Perhaps I'll suggest heading over with a book or journal to a nearby coffee spot - just across the driveway & down a few steps (a rare amenity - most senior lifestyle communities aren't anywhere near such off-site amenities). Or I could just assure her to hold tight, we're getting together later on.
It's hard for busy, fully-engaged (often maxed out) youngers to recognize, let alone understand the dangers of boredom in older age. Every one of the senior "communities" that are home to my grannie clients is filled with men & women who were lived fully active, productive lives - to most of them, it seems the blink of an eye ago that they were busy with jobs, with home making, with establishing & growing a career, with getting from here to there without a care.
Now, they are limited. Even those who drive normally shy away from being on the road after dusk. They might need a cane or a walker or a wheelchair, which has to be hauled into & out of vehicles - usually not by themselves.
It's understandable that many fall prey to boredom, which leads to a sorry sense of uselessness. Because with all those worries about yard work & housekeeping, grocery shopping & meal making, family duties & maintaining connections with a circle of friends came a constant sense of being productive, being useful, of making a meaningful contribution to a bigger picture.
Never underestimate the power & importance - at any age - of feeling like you're making a meaningful contribution to a bigger picture. Few of my classmates, in our early 60s, have a clue what it's like to not have anything that truly needs our attention. Having a few golden hours with nothing to do still seems a rare & much-appreciated luxury. And what parent busily corralling youngsters, chauffeuring them from here to there, juggling work/parenthood/marriage doesn't dream of time all to themselves? But have them live even a week with nothing that needs to be done, nowhere they need to be - and no way to get there. They'd run back to their responsibilities with joy unbounded!
At 62, my everyday routines provide a sense of worth that rarely registers on my radar, yet is always there. Writing this blog post, am actively engaged in a productive doing, giving me something to focus on. When I finish, something new will exist that didn't before. For my Mom, that might have been a loaf of bread or a mended sock, a clean toilet or a favorite meal.
Just because people grow older doesn't mean they enjoy a deep sense of calm contentment. In even the finest "no worries" senior residence, many - maybe the majority - of seniors have a persistent sense of restless rootlessness. How... I don't know the word for it. How does it feel for someone like all of my grannie clients, promised a "vibrant community" when you so vividly remember what true community was in your life - and it's nothing like what you have?
Praise be for grannie clients who are B-O-R-E-D! And good on them for letting others know! That gives family & friends & caregivers & others the opportunity to help stop a too-easy spiral into tension, anxiety & depression. To keep eyes from getting dull, to keep spirits from going from listless to lackluster to sad.
Grannies (& gramps) of the world - Keep those phone calls coming! Keep your expectation of being engaged, energized & empowered on HIGH! Never succumb to the expectation of endless dull days & lackluster lives! Let being B-O-R-E-D be a spur to activity, with others or on your own!
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