Sheez - he should have met my mother! In her late 80s & early 90s, the Gramster was touching lives in ways she never imagined as "a kid of 75" (her words, not mine).
But it helps to understand that Dr. Emanuel is only 57 years old. And his view of what lies ahead of him is bleak, like it is for many men in their late fifties who see decline stretching out in front of them, with few if any perceived benefits.
Oh, how different life looks when we are young. Am reminded of my #2 brother, deeply unhappy with my father's resistance to laying plans for retirement & turning over the business. At the time, Dad was sixty, Mike a chomping-at-the-bit early 30-something. When Dad balked, Mike moved.
Fast forward 40+ years. My brother is now 72. He still makes a hour plus drive six days a week to work at his popular high-end hardware store in the Surrey Hills section of Sydney, Australia. And, according to my niece, although he's selling the store come the end of this year, he expects to keep on working somewhere. Am reminded of his (then scathing) comment that Dad expected to work until he dropped (which was basically what he did). How different it all looks with age!!
Dr. Emanuel would be wise to take note of my brother's experience. And my mother's late-in-life awakening. Instead of thinking it best to throw in the towel at 75, he should become an elder care anarchist - like ME! The attitude & the reality he rails against is exactly what I am dedicated to doing my bit to overturn & set back right.
He is correct in thinking that the USA is a gosh awful place for growing old. He'll get no argument with me that living too long can be a loss - if that's what you let happen. He should have met my mother, who penned The Velveteen Grammie & went to her first women's retreat at 90, who - home for hospice - answered e-mailed questions from a local college's Psych 101 students right up to the day she died. (Turns out that her response to "What advice would you give a young man who thinks he's met the woman he wants to marry?" is still followed, almost 15 years later.)
Mom had her trials & challenges. She almost sent me into an emotional tailspin. But, in her late 80s, she rose splendidly above it all & spent the last years of her life being a shining beacon for expansive, empowered aging - in spite of physical frailty.
"By the time I reach 75, I will have lived a complete life" Ezekiel Emanuel
HA! I think of Grandma Rose, of Mrs. Ridgeway, of Miss Cornelia & Aunt Gay & Gig, all of whom were just hitting a certain special stride at that age. Yes, they weren't DOING all the stuff that matters to a 57-year old, but they were doing so much that was of value to so many. It appears, at first read, that Dr. Emanuel's attitude is defeatist, which those ladies never were.
The only reason for his sensationalist title, Why I Hope to Die at 75, is to sell copies of The Atlantic. While it might succeed in that endeavor, it fails to draw people into the article's core - and incredibly important - message about aging in America. It sucks.
My prescription for the good doctor - become an elder care anarchist!
He's utterly spot on in stating that too many of my fellow countrymen are obsessed with doing everything in their power to become what he aptly terms American immortals.
Has Dr. Emanuel been reading my blog? Because that's an alarm I've been sounding since my earliest posts. As a society, we glorify the idea of extreme longevity. As a culture, we denigrate the elderly, with people over 45 unable to find new jobs due to their age. They can join AARP at 50!! Yes, he is right - we totally trash the elderly at the same time we glorify growing old.
He cites telling statistics on life expectancy - in 1900, on average we lived to about 47. By 1930, that had expanded to 59.4. Today, the average life expectancy for men is 76.3, for women it's 81.1.
As Dr. Emanuel points out, up until 1960, the advances were due to vaccines & antibiotics & other improved medical care, which saved infants & children from early death & all ages from infections. Penicillin alone reduced deaths from pneumonia, menigitis, scarlet fever, diptheria, "social" diseases such as syphilis & gonorrhea - the list goes on. In the 1960s, things started to change. Longevity increased due to extending old age rather than saving young lives.
Sadly, he's right - today, people are less likely to drop dead of a heart attack or felled by cancer & more likely to die of dwindling physical resources. We haven't halted or even slowed aging so much as make the elderly take a longer linger dying. I have an older friend who was brought back from death at least twice in her 80s, only to return to a life she clung to but which gave her little pleasure. Instead of dying at once, she ended up dying at last. Here was a woman with an absolute belief in a wonderful afterlife, subjected to extraordinary measures to bring her back to this ife, who took an amazing list of pills every day to keep her going.
I agree with Dr. Emanuel - that is not for me.
What a waste that Dr. Emanuel seems to be part of the very problem I am dedicate to help revolutionize. Studies show that people are their most PRODUCTIVE in their forties, starting to decline in their fifties, which leads him to conclude their value after that age is inescapably compromised. To him, Mom would have been an outlier, the rare exception.
Wondering what he would think about Mom's thoughts on aging - "It's not all "beer and skittles" - there are rough patches. The changes that come with old age are scary, especially changes in life roles. I have not enjoyed the hands-on role of wife for over 26 years. At ninety, I cannot even manage the role I played as a parent. The resources just are not there. I cannot provide massive emotional or even minor financial support. I cannot wash a floor or do the grocery shopping or even dust my own room. (I can still shell hard boiled eggs and clean mushrooms!)"
Her volume of productivity had plummeted, but Mom's ability to be productive was still strong. When she was answering the Psych 101 questions, she was partially paralyzed, restricted to a hospital bed in her room.
Chortling, thinking of her having a cuppa with Dr. Emanuel. What would the woman who wrote, "The problem is that young kids – looking through the eyes of a still preening self - feel sad and think, 'How dull her life must be,'" say to him?
Dr. E. - she's talking to YOU!
I felt so encouraged when he writes, "Mentorship is hugely important. It lets us transmit our collective memory and draw on the wisdom of elders. It is too often undervalued, dismissed as a way to occupy seniors who refuse to retire and who keep repeating the same stories."
Praise be, I thought - he gets it! But, no - as the next sentence was as dreary as the rest: "But it also illuminates a key issue with aging: the constricting of our ambitions and expectations." I want to bop him over the head with a rolled-up copy of AARP's monthly magazine!
Interesting to realize, reading "There is much less pressure to conform to parental expectations and demands after they are gone," that his own father is still with us. Does Dr. Emanuel consider his dad - another Dr. Emanuel - a burden because he's slowed down by a stroke, no longer makes rounds at the hospital or teach, is still fulfilling the role of head of the family? Gotta wonder.
The greatest impression I had after reading the article is that the prospect of significant aging seems to terrify the self-proclaimed over-achiever. Instead of looking for ways to reverse the damage, he seems resigned to its permanent place in our American life.
Every time Dr. Emanuel raises a good point about aging, he shoots it down. He covers so much ground, yet seems petered out on the points I feel most worth hitting ~ the over-medicating of our elders, the prevalent use of extraordinary measures because they CAN be done rather than because they are in the patient's genuine best interests, the shunting them aside into segregrated senior communities.
Left out is any consideration of who/what benefits from all this attention to extending aging in a culture that demeans getting older. There's no mention of our nation's medical-industrial complex. But perhaps not so surprising.
In closing, am imaging Mom & Dr. Emanuel sharing a lovely Australian Merlot as they compare views on aging. Imagining the 91-year old bending toward him, explaining to the young whippersnapper the power & importance of old age:
Just as little children look at their parents as really old, not-so-young people can see their own parents as shutting down as we age, gong into some sort of benign hibernation It is true that nature brings us, willingly or not, into more meditative states and slower tempos.
Am I bored to tears sitting in the big chair in the living room or in my soothing rocking chair? No, it is surprisingly rewarding.
The problem is that young kids – looking through the eyes of a still preening self - feel sad and think, "How dull her life must be."
Too many Ancient and near-Ancient Ones fall for that line. Truth be told, growth keeps right on going, ideally right out of the ceilings of our cramped opinion.
This old biddy believes that the Lord intends us to live fully - whatever our physical or mental condition - right up to the moment we traipse across the threshold of our spiritual home.
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