Working with older friends & their families reminds me of mannnnnnnny years back, when I had the pleasure of teaching middle school in my little hometown.
Every year, before the start of school, teachers received their students' files. It wasn't laziness that kept me from so much as peeking at any of them until after the first marking period. Time & again, because I didn't have prior knowledge about some bad behavior or difficult learning challenge, it never became a problem.
A similar dynamic happens in working with older friends. Many of the issues that their children or other loved ones anticipate rearing their heads don't come up because I am oblivious about past histories.
The worst thing any child or class can hear is a teacher assuring them, "With the new year, you're starting with a clean slate," a statement which to this day causes my blood to chill. When teachers felt compelled to say that, you knew you were marked, because no one says it unless they know exactly what's been written on that slate. Once read, it can't be erased, no matter how much a teacher or school administrator might think it possible.
As soon as I heard that, I knew I was doomed. So, as a teacher, I decided to wait.
In the here & now, it's not knowing all the decades of parent-child history that tends to stand me in good stead. I can experience what a parent might consider a "willful, strong-headed" child as caring & devoted, or the emotional generosity of what to an adult child is an "utterly self-absorbed" parent.
Time & again, just like so many decades ago, what I don't know can help & even heal.
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