from sob to solutions

Woke up this morning to a sense that Mom visited my dreams last night - and kicked my butt for being so down in the dumps about our woeful culture around aging!  Yep, woke up with a fresh resolve to STOP looking at the awfuls & start looking for SOLUTIONS, for remedies to help transform this sorry mess into a healthier mindset about growing old, falling apart, about the blessings we only gain through the breakdown of our apparent material self & the affirmation of our true spiritual being.  

Went rummaging through the postings of her 2000-2001 e-mails sent to a devoted dist list (pre-blogging).  Sharing part of what Mom wrote in The Velveteen Grammie, a cobbling together of bits & pieces from her posts into an alumni magazine article:

Of course, there is the fear of dependency.  In January, I was diagnosed with acute degenerative arthritis of the right shoulder.  Nothing can be done  to alleviate the condition.  It will get progressively worse and worse.  Luckily, aside from the pain, the only effect at the moment is that I cannot  get out of bed without a helping hand.  Still, instead of being a custodial  parent, I am the one needing care.  That took me down a peg at first, but  dependency has turned out to have unique blessings.  

 

A passage from the book Still Here expresses my experience over the past year  - "When there is  true surrender and service between people, the roles of helper and helped,  and the boundaries between those in power and those who are powerless, begin  to dissolve."  That has been my experience with my daughter and son-in-law and with, it seems, most of the other people in my life - the old limiting  boundaries have begun to dissolve.

 

 

 

Lots of things I loved to do are just memories.  Instead of gearing up into  depression over what is no longer, I find it simpler to shift perspective.  Picture going to a favorite restaurant and ordering a favorite dish, only to  told it is no longer on the menu.   There are two choices - get in a funk  over what is not available or grab the opportunity to check over the menu for something new.  

 

My personal menu of possibilities seems like one of the  oversized diner menus.  There are many things that my physical condition  keep me from doing, but there are a lot of new experiences just waiting to be  given a whirl.  On the physical level, life stinks.  On almost every other  level - emotional, mental, spiritual -  the world is my oyster and every  month has an R!

 

 

 

A friend urged me to write about old age and make all the younger folks  envious of us Ancients.  Growing old, even some of its sadder aspects,  is part of the Lord's grand scheme.  Let go of time-bound prejudices and fears  of growing older.  Marianne Williamson says that to get to the light, a  person has to work through the darkness.    In middle and early old age, life  can seem dark and scary as we move out of the familiar into the unknown.   Work through it toward the light.

 

A key lesson learned over the past few years is that even unhappy events can  bring unexpected opportunities.  Going back to Margery Williams book, if the Boy had not gotten sick, if the beloved but germ-infested Rabbit was not doomed to be burned, if he had not been able to wriggle a bit to get out the sack,  if great sadness had not caused a real tear to trickle down his shabby velvet nose, the Rabbit would  not have come at that time into the fullness of being REAL.  

 

~  ~  ~  ~  

 

Am chagrined to realize how bogged down I've gotten in frustration over the mess that is instead of gearing up to shatter the present status quo, to stir everyone's wild & crazy energies, incite all & sundry to flip way out of the box & to find...  whatever!

 

Spent the last few years reveling in being a life expansionist.  Time to let out the general instigator chomping at the bit to be let loose.

"Growing old, even some of its sadder aspect, is part of the Lord's grand scheme.  Let go of time-bound prejudices & fears  of growing older.  Marianne Williamson says that to get to the light, a  person has to work through the darkness.    In middle and early old age, life  can seem dark & scary as we move out of the familiar into the unknown.   Work through it toward the light."  ~ ~   Mom - message received.  Mind & heart & energies engaged.  Refocused on making it so!