The Conversation

FACT:  most Americans agree it makes sense to talk about end-of-life issues.
REALITY CHECK:  only 30% actually do so!  

Life-threatening and terminal situations happen at all ages.  A couple's or family's first discussion about quality-of-life & medical treatment issues shouldn't happen after one of you, a parent or relative - or worse, a child - needs care. 

One reason Mom closed a great life with a good death was that we'd had The Conversation - many conversations over many years.  Her children knew what she looked for in care, what she wanted no part of & what she feared.  We were on the same page.  Best of all, we were comfortable sharing our concerns with Mom & created a safe environment for Mom to share her worries with us.  

That was the ideal.  The real is that the vast majority of Americans haven't had even a semblance of  The Conversation with loved ones & important others.  

Trust me, I know it can be tough initiating a conversation about health care issues, let alone end of life.  And you might find there's disagreement over even the basics.  John & I discovered we hold vastly different views on what level of extraordinary means we want taken in a medical crisis, even what we want done with our body.  We're still working on solutions, but we're talking! 
 
Here's what I consider Step #1 ~ have The Conversation.  Not just adult children of aging parents.  EVERYONE.   

REALITY:  At four years old, I was hit by a car - as I lay in a coma was not the best moment for a first-time discussion of what constitutes normal, extraordinary & unreasonable treatment.   At 61, Dad collapsed as he was about to board a flight home;  when he was diagnosed with brain cancer;  thank heavens, he was conscious & able to be part, with Mom, of medical decisions about his care.    

Just two examples that show medical crises & end-of-care issues involve any age - and so should The Conversation.

Can it be tough to start?  Absolutely.  My suggestion is to make eldercare.gov your first stop.  It can connect you with people experienced in talking about sensitive areas & who are aware that everyone involved in the discussion might feel uncomfortable, might even wish away the need by sabotaging the opportunity.  I do not suggest starting with a minister or doctor, although there is a place for both. Start at eldercare.gov.

Let me repeat:  your best first step toward having a great life end with a good death is to discuss what you want in case of a medical crisis.  Whatever your age, whatever your marital or family situation. 

Step #2 - document!