Last week, John & I were headed over the
back roads to Norristown, car loaded with take-out from my brother’s favorite
Chinese restaurant, looking forward to a leisurely reconnect over General Tso,
sweet & sour chicken, veggie lo mein. Little did I suspect that, somewhere between Willow Grove Avenue & Dekalb Pike, a long-time perspective on a major life event would shift to a new level.
Our drive-time listening was NPR’s Here & Now,
a Jeremy Hobson interview on the effectiveness of yoga on treating
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Between
leaving Squirrel Haven & arriving at Suburban Woods, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's insights morphed every assumption I had
about why Mom could finally face tough family issues into
new possibilities.
“Trauma
is an experience that
overwhelms
your capacity to cope.
People
feel helpless,
overwhelmed,
scared, horrified;
at
the core of trauma is horror.”
Oh my gosh - that described Mom, faced with a crisis that involved family. Helpless, overwhelmed, scared. Horrified.
Had never thought of the word horrified before, but it connected as soon as Dr. van der Kolk said it.
Talking about patients suffering from PTSD, Dr. van der Kolk noted, “It was clear that … their bodies felt deeply unsafe, so the enemy that was once living outside was now living within.”
“You can’t talk yourself out of being in love, or being angry, or hating particular people because these are not rational processes, and reason has only very limited capacities to override these more primitive survival issues.”
Even knowing Mom's history, had never thought of her as suffering from PTSD. Duh! Duh! Duh! Both Mom & Dad experienced the worst form of trauma. The very people they needed to turn to for care, for protection - their surviving parents - turned on them. Mom responded by forgetting & shutting down, walking away from anything that might stir a negative emotion. All smiles, no sadness.
What I saw....
How she felt....
The rest of his interview answered that question. Breath work. Breath work helped restore a feeling of safety to Mom’s body.
Mom started doing breath work after I found Pam Grout’s book, Jumpstart Your Metabolism. While I soon slacked off & stopped altogether, Mom kept on, right to her final days.
Three sets of breath work exercises, three times a day. She did them to replace the daily walks she’d taken all her life. As Mom edged into her late 80s, her brisk walks around the neighborhood became treks up & down our road, then around the back yard, then around the kitchen island. Finally, breath work provided the aerobic workout she craved. She did them in her big chair, even stretched out on her bed.
While I knew that deep breathing & breath work helps remove toxins from our body – our bodies are designed to release 70% of its toxins through breathing, but most of us don’t come close – didn't realize it helps release the toxin of imprinted trauma, too.
Sure, Mom knew that doing her Sama Vritti, Nadi Shodhana, Kapalabhati and Abdominal Breathing Technique improved her sense of well-being, left her feeling calm & peaceful. Did it ever occur to her that they were byproducts of developing a greater sense of safety? I doubt it.
There aren't words to describe how it feels, realizing that exercises Mom did to replace her daily walks helped restore a sense of safety to her body.
None of this is conjecture. I saw the before & after. Just never connected Mom’s astonishing courage, seeking to change a long-protected but damaging status quo, with her doing regular HA! & Bikini breaths.
Mom set out to replace a daily walk, stuck to it every day, three times a day, & ended up restoring a sense of safety & well-being to her soul & body. What a beautiful unintended consequence!
FYI - Mom treated her breath work as she would any exercise routine & checked FIRST with her doctor for his okay.
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