Sadly, too true - chasing the blues away

Anyone who comes up with a sure-fire way to help the elderly be open about their well-being - especially their mental state - will make a fortune!

Alas, studies from the National Institutes of Health indicate that although 20% of the senior population suffers from some form of depression, few of them will admit feeling blue (or worse) - even to themselves. 

In my experience, it's rare for most of my elderly friends share when they don't feel up to par, especially mentally.  The potential reasons are many, but the upshot is the same - unacknowledged blues can develop into depression, depression can deepen into something much worse.

The best way to spot & head off the blues & address depression is to regularly be around older loved ones & friends.  It's hard to count on aides for timely updates, since your feeling-blue mother might be doing considerably better than a busy aide's other patients.  Just one reason why regular visits or daily phone calls - with actual conversations, not just a quick "Checking in, Dad" - are so invaluable.

This is not a plug for my services, but it is true that having a "rent-a-relative" can make a huge difference to family who live far away or are challenged to get by every day.  Paying friendly visits, connecting them with friends, going on out & abouts, just socializing over meals - doing more than taking them to the occasional doctor's appointment or shopping - can make a huge difference to their well being, short & long term.  

It's not that OLDER people need activity & light, interesting things to do & something to look forward to every day.  We all do!  But youngers like myself are so busy busy busy, it's practically impossible for us to envision how we'd feel, in the here & now, to suddenly be confined to our home & immediate surroundings, unable to drive, to do most of the things we do without thinking.  In that situation, even 20-somethings would be prone to the blues!  

Whether it is an actual relative, good friend or a hired gun like me, this time of year is especially sensitive to the elderly.  

Did it snow last night where Mom lives? A lot of older people wouldn't think of heading outdoors.  Good time for a phone call!  

Fourth grey day in a row?  How about stopping by after work for cuppa or even a cocktail, maybe take the family over for dinner?    

Crucial words of wisdom, learned at my mother's knee, to anyone with an older loved one (or anyone in some way dependent on others) in your life ~ ~ a lot, if not most, of them are reluctant to share how they actually feel, especially if they are feeling low.  

My mother's generation considered feeling blue something you just had to work your way out of on your own.  I know from overheard conversations that most of her friends considered feeling low just one step from depression which was, in their book, synonymous with mental illness.  They felt it wiser to mask true feelings of sadness & depression, to act like all was well when it was not.  

It was their great good luck that Mom was open about being hospitalized for severe clinical depression.  She'd advise them on ways to prevent the bad from getting worse, including letting family know.  Mom always felt that her breakdown could have been avoided if she'd been open.  But Mom was the rarity - too many elderly people would rather sink deeper & deeper than tell their children about any negative feelings.  

That's where having regular face-to-face or voice-to-voice contact is invaluable!  Daily phone calls can be a godsend, so keep your senses on alert for tone & a sense of what's being said.

During winter months - especially bitter cold days like today - it's important to keep on your toes with folks who are house-bound, especially the elderly.  To help head off the blues, keep alert when you talk to loved ones or friends.

• Do they seem sad?  Lethargic, slow to take interest or be active?
• Do they mention trouble sleeping?
• Do they seem more negative than usual?
• Do they seem to have lost weight?
• Are they eating less than usual?
• Do they get angry or take offense more easily than usual?
• Does something just not seem right with them? 

To sum up, having regular contact with an elderly loved one or friend is vitally important in the winter months, when the housebound & dependent are especially susceptible to SAD (seasonal affective disorder).  Regular visits are ideal, but phone calls can reveal a lot.  And don't take an "Oh, everything is just fine" as a good answer.  If you sense something might be wrong,  check it out.  Gently, respectfully, but check it out!

Tomorrow - what is SAD?