"It only feels that way."

Confession - a surprising # of AH HA! moments in my life have come courtesy of movies or the telly.  

Although John & I haven't had a t.v. since spring 2012 & we don't access shows via internet, we do have an itty bitty dvd player.  The only t.v. shows we tend to rent or own are vintage series from the fifties, the complete set of West Wing that I purchased while teaching a high school Government class (we learned more from West Wing Wednesdays than from the text book) & a set of Peter Gunn episodes we got for Christmas.  (I cut my t.v. watching teeth on Peter Gunn, whereas they're new to John.)  And I have been investing in buying all available eleven seasons of NCIS.  

This evening, we watched Episode 7, from Season 11.  I'd seen it before, John hadn't.  Hands down, it is my favorite episode of all time, and contains a gem of a line, one I totally missed watching the episode by myself.

Gibbs is talking about - with tenderness - about the challenges of having an aging parent.  I can't remember if it is him or Ducky who comments about reversing roles, which comes back with a perfect line - "It only feels that way.  It's life."

My guess is it was Ducky, who went through his mother eldering.  He would have the broader perspective of the two, having experienced not just in the past, but as a learning tool. Whichever, the writers have my gratitude for speaking such an important truth with such clarity & simplicity.

In the few years that our mothers needed our support, neither John nor I felt like we had reversed parent/child roles.  Our role expanded to lend a hand in ways we hadn't before, but there was never the sense of role reversal, especially not the last week of Mom's life, when we took care of things that could have robbed her of dignity.  They didn't.  Everything we did for our mothers as they aged was part of life - a privilege & honor.  

It seems a peculiarly American, or perhaps Western, concept, this thinking of being there for aging parents as "role reversal" rather than an opportunity to show honor & respect to their final breath.  

Thinking of that simple line -  "It only feels that way." - am always & forever grateful that both John & I got to experience all the days of our mothers' lives as part of a whole picture.  As life.