In which I become a Janeite

Not this one!

Today, I became a Janeite.  Not as in one of the countless enamored by all things Jane Austen ('though I am partial to many of her books).  As in a "What a woman!" fan of JANE KERSCHNER, friend & astonishing life coach.

 This one!

Small wonder we hit it off at last year's Leading To Well-Being Conference.  Can still remember our first meeting - she was sitting with some friends & associates.  I came over to introduce myself & comment on something she'd shared during a session.  One shake of our hands & we knew - kindred spirit!  Little did I know how much she would change my life.

Over the years, I've deeply admired how Jewish Family Agency (JFCA) & other agencies/groups walk the talk in serving both their religious & larger community, with programs frequently in the vanguard of society's needs.  Turns out that Jane is a key facilitator of the Wise Aging program, a collaboration between temples in & around Washington, D.C., plus other Jewish social services, embracing all branches of judaism.  

Oh, to live in the area & be able to see Jane in action!  

The reason for tonight's major shout-out to my friend, Jane, is to say THANK YOU for introducing me to Wise Aging ~ living with joy, resilience & spirit. 

 

For years, I've longed to help get conversations rolling in my own religious & larger community on aging expansive, but been stumped.  Such a huge topic - where to start?   

Wise Aging is an exceptional, simply written book that beautifully lays out a pathway to nurturing such essential conversations.  Jane gave me the way to take a first step, something to help roll out a "small group" discussion within my local church! 

My sole regret about Jane is she lives too far away, because I could use her transformation coaching services!  A Well-Being Coach based in the D.C. area, Jane reaches beyond standard training (two graduate degrees & a slew of coach certificates!) to include body & movement into her practice, working with a client's whole system, moving beyond thought/verbal to intuitive/unspoken, where fraidy cat issues can show their faces.  It is to weep...
 

Just yesterday, plunked down my registration fee for mid-April's 2016 Leading to Well-Being Conference; am looking forward to taking the optional intensive, hearing the speakers, participating in the break out sessions; but above all else, this fervent Janeite is looking for to reconnecting with beyond-the-beyond Jane Kershner!

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reposting a posting of an ancient e-mail share

Sorry if the subject line is confusing.

A friend posted a picture on Facebook of a female & male cardinal, which got me to thinking about my mother, who always considered cardinals a special omen, which reminded me about an e-mail she wrote back in 2000 about how that came to be, which I reposted in 2014 on The Velveteen Grammie, to which I am including a link HERE.

 

Credits:
unknown
susanbranch.com

  

This SERIOUSLY cheered me up

originally posted at Secrets of the Home...

Was feeling small & powerless, unable to help two older loved ones who are in particularly challenging places.   To pull myself out of the depths, called two friends - good gab with the one, having tea later with the other.  Bucked me up a lot.

Feeling chersier (chur-C-ur, as my dear old Mum would say).  Took a moment to ponder how important it is to drench folks facing dementia with activities, sent loving healing wholesome thoughts off to my beloveds, then looked up "dementia & activity" which lead me to this wonderful listing - 101 Activities to do with family friends clients dealing with dementia!

 

My Top Ten favorites:

1. Play favorite music
2. Color pictures
3. Read out loud chapters from favorite books
4. Cut out pictures from magazines, make a collage
5. Look at maps
6. Make paper butterflies
7. Give a manicure
8. Call a friend
9. Take a walk, indoors or out!
10. Bake frost decorate cupcakes ~ take some to friends, with a note

Credits
khanapakana.com
elviscostello.info
goodcheapeats.com

Continuing ed

Hands down, the most unexpected benefit from working with older friends & their families is getting a never-ending course in human dynamics.  Didn't see that coming.  

Am blessed by endless opportunities to see first hand what's discussed as theory within classroom & seminars.  From fabulous to farcical, an abundance of new insights on & fresh appreciation of a host of issues.  

For all that has been, Thank you. 

For all that is to come, Yes!

dag hammarskjold 

 

Credits:

stcharlesrealtors.com

justbepowerful.com 

Blessed if you do; blessed if you don't

Praise be my married name inspired me to buy The New Murphy's Law back in 2000 - I only bought it because the old one can do a lot of unconscious damage to anyone blessed with that last name.  

The new version - If things can go right, I will make them go right. - was printed out & plastered in our bedroom, bathroom, the kitchen, John's art studio & the art files/computer studio.  

This morning, feeling frustrated over a personal situation, realized I could do the same thing to the tired adage, "Damned if I do, damned if I don't."  

Someone important in my life is in the hospital.  The last time he was hospitalized, doctors considered it a miracle he didn't die of organ failure.  Literally - they figured the only thing that saved his life had to be Divine intervention, because everything else pointed to death.

I found out about the hospitalization over a year later, when someone referred to it.  So, being told about the current medical crisis is a big step forward!

My lifelong challenge with the person - my oldest brother - is fear of being an irksome intrusion.

A classic New Yorker cartoon has a business exec saying to someone on the phone, "No, Thursday's out.  How about never - is never good for you?"  Gee, it was over twenty years ago that John spotted it, during an outing to Barnes & Noble/Jenkintown;  when he shared it with Mom et moi in the cafe, we all chortled - Peter, to a T! 

Fast forward to this Thursday. I called Peter to check up (he'd had several blackouts, was getting a battery of tests).  The call did not go as I'd hoped.  It seems he'd just fallen off to sleep for the first time all day when my suppertime call woke him up.  He'd call me back, at a more convenient time.

Woke up this morning thinking that - several days past the call - I should at least ring up where he's living to see if he's back or still in the hospital.  Am not okay with bothering the hospital; as his baby sister, not one of his kids, am hardly the point person.  

Found myself thinking, "Here we go again.  Damned if I do, damned if I don't."

Which was when two things hit.  One was remembering the flip of the old into the New Murphy's Law.  The other was of a friend, going through a tough time at work, who pointed out that always being put in the wrong was weirdly liberating, freeing her to do whatever she wanted - she had nothing to lose.  

I used both bits of wisdom in the past, at both Prudential & BISYS Financial Services.  Facing sensitive work situations, I flipped conventional biz thinking;  instead of basing my actions on keeping my job, I acted as if I'd already lost it, freeing me to do the right thing rather than the politically expedient.
  

Remembering that in the wee small hours of this morning, was inspired to do a new flip - Blessed if I do; blessed if I don't.  After all, serving the best interests of my brother is what's uppermost in my heart.  If I call him, it's regrettable if the call comes at the wrong time - I did the best I could knowing what I knew.  On the other hand, if I hold back from concern about being experienced as a noodge, that's okay, too, because I am holding Peter in my thoughts & heart.



Think of how well our lives communities culture would be served if we all gave the old adage the boot, instead embracing "Blessed if you do, blessed if you don't."  Imagine the difference if we all acted from the baseline assumption that we're all doing our best.  

It's said our human nature is to judge others by their actions, ourselves by our intentions.  What if instead of falling prey to that default, we tap into our divine nature & believe "They're doing their best"?  

Blessed if they do, blessed if they don't.  Holding that as our own truth, as our truth about others, isn't easy in the beginning.  But once we start really believing it in our heart, amazing things can happen.  We are freed from the shackles of negative assumption & limiting judgment.

I know Peter's doing the best he can.  We're both blessed if we do, blessed if we don't.  

How about always.  Does always work for you?

 

Credits:

1) Amazon.com

2) telegraph.co.uk

3) picturequotes.com

4) worldartsme.com

What I - we - bring to the table

In the midst of this weekend's East Coast snowmaggedon, I had the unexpected opportunity to think about what I - often John & I tandem - bring to the elder care table.  What we bring, what we don't.

First off, what we don't.  Anyone who's looking for transportation to & from, for traditional in-home care, certainly for light housekeeping & dog walking services, should absolutely look elsewhere.  Not only will you be able to find someone happier to do those things, they will also be a heck of a lot cheaper. 

From the day I formally started my elder care anarchist solutionist activities, have described what I do as, "You've heard of in-home care?  I do get-'em-out-of-home care."  At 63, I don't have any time to dilly-dallying with things that are not my strengths.

When it comes to providing creative, compassionate elder support, John is definitely right up there as a key differentiator & strength. There are certain things he's never going to master, because... well, he's a guy.  Pardon for being sexist, but I've come to accept that there are certain things that most women would pick up on immediately that he's not going to figure out if it hit him over the head.  So, let that go.  Run with the things he excels at - being an indispensable 2nd pair of hands, the genuine pleasure he takes in being with our older friends, the fun conversations he helps get rolling.  Just being John having a good time, not with us out of obligation.

 

There are older friends who will never ever hire me, balking at what they think of as my high rates (which are laughingly low). It's not the money that bothers them so much - they will never ever shell over money so I can do things that I find clearly so enjoyable.

Now, that's the very thing for which I should be paying top dollar. It's the very thing that made one family voluntarily raise my rate from the rock bottom amount I had been charging to what I currently charge, which they've made clear they still consider bargain basement.  My hourly rate plus mileage & reimbursement, when they apply.  They consider my our time with their mother worth every penny BECAUSE both John & I have a genuine blast.  

Both John & I were close to our moms (our fathers both died in their early 60s), mothers we miss more than we can say.  Hanging out with oldsters & elders helps fill holes in our lives.  Older friends feel that & it feels good!

 

Friends & families who bring me on board get John, too - at no additional charge, other than meals if we're going out.  He is worth every penny. In addition to what I've already described, being there means I can drop them off close to the restaurant or movie theater or event, he escorts the client in & they get settled while I park the car.  Makes things go incredibly smoothly.

One of these days, I'm going to be free to charge something closer to what I am worth.  If that sounds like arrogance, it's not.  The truth isn't arrogant.  

I bring to the table a lifetime of hobnobbing with elderly people, neighbors in my little hometown from back in the day when all the local kids knew all the adults, when the widows & older single ladies - Miss Ashby, Miss Phoebe, Miss Creda, Miss Erna, Miss Phyllis ... - would invite us in for a glass of milk & cookies, when we TALKED with them.  Friends of my mothers, people like Miss Cornelia & Benita Odhner & Viola Ridgeway , who were at least twenty years older than Mom.  "Grandma" Rose would be over 125 years old, if she were still alive - every Friday, Mom would join "Grandma" & three or four older ladies for cocktails before heading out to the weekly community supper.  I learned a lot in my twenties, sitting there & soaking in their conversations & wisdom. 

I bring to the table decades of reading about personal & group & family dynamics, focused for the past dozen years on elder care issues.  I've developed an extensive library, none of which I can lend out because they all have corners turned under, writing in the margins & yellow highlighter throughout the book.  When I find one that especially hits home, I read it a 2nd time; if it runs deep, I go through it a 3rd time, taking notes.

I bring to the table a modicum of awareness of what's happening in holistic elder care, sharing the books, articles, web sites that seem most valuable with others in the field who don't have the time or energy.  For all of my life, I've turned what might seem lack to my advantage - still do.  Unlike most of my friends, I don't have children or grandchildren, my nieces & nephews are a distance away.  That gives me the time to read & search & write.

I bring to the table a decade in education & over a quarter century in the corporate world, both of which stand me in incredibly good stead providing elder support.  

I bring to the table the willingness to invest money, time & energy going to conferences & workshops related to elder care, be it the Leading to Well-Being Conference in Falls Church, VA; the National Center for Creative Aging Conference & Leadership Exchange in Washington, D.C.; weekends at Kirkbridge Retreat Center, Omega, Rowe Conference Center.

Looking over all that, realize the one client's family is totally spot on ~~ $25.00 an hour is a steal for what I - we - bring to the table!

Credits:
furnidraft.com
ishbzdl.com
2016youge.tk
queensofvintage.com
archieexpo.com
schragblog.com