Praise be my married name inspired me to buy The New Murphy's Law back in 2000 - I only bought it because the old one can do a lot of unconscious damage to anyone blessed with that last name.
The new version - If things can go right, I will make them go right. - was printed out & plastered in our bedroom, bathroom, the kitchen, John's art studio & the art files/computer studio.
This morning, feeling frustrated over a personal situation, realized I could do the same thing to the tired adage, "Damned if I do, damned if I don't."
Someone important in my life is in the hospital. The last time he was hospitalized, doctors considered it a miracle he didn't die of organ failure. Literally - they figured the only thing that saved his life had to be Divine intervention, because everything else pointed to death.
I found out about the hospitalization over a year later, when someone referred to it. So, being told about the current medical crisis is a big step forward!
My lifelong challenge with the person - my oldest brother - is fear of being an irksome intrusion.
A classic New Yorker cartoon has a business exec saying to someone on the phone, "No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?" Gee, it was over twenty years ago that John spotted it, during an outing to Barnes & Noble/Jenkintown; when he shared it with Mom et moi in the cafe, we all chortled - Peter, to a T!
Fast forward to this Thursday. I called Peter to check up (he'd had several blackouts, was getting a battery of tests). The call did not go as I'd hoped. It seems he'd just fallen off to sleep for the first time all day when my suppertime call woke him up. He'd call me back, at a more convenient time.
Woke up this morning thinking that - several days past the call - I should at least ring up where he's living to see if he's back or still in the hospital. Am not okay with bothering the hospital; as his baby sister, not one of his kids, am hardly the point person.
Found myself thinking, "Here we go again. Damned if I do, damned if I don't."
Which was when two things hit. One was remembering the flip of the old into the New Murphy's Law. The other was of a friend, going through a tough time at work, who pointed out that always being put in the wrong was weirdly liberating, freeing her to do whatever she wanted - she had nothing to lose.
I used both bits of wisdom in the past, at both Prudential & BISYS Financial Services. Facing sensitive work situations, I flipped conventional biz thinking; instead of basing my actions on keeping my job, I acted as if I'd already lost it, freeing me to do the right thing rather than the politically expedient.
Remembering that in the wee small hours of this morning, was inspired to do a new flip - Blessed if I do; blessed if I don't. After all, serving the best interests of my brother is what's uppermost in my heart. If I call him, it's regrettable if the call comes at the wrong time - I did the best I could knowing what I knew. On the other hand, if I hold back from concern about being experienced as a noodge, that's okay, too, because I am holding Peter in my thoughts & heart.
Think of how well our lives communities culture would be served if we all gave the old adage the boot, instead embracing "Blessed if you do, blessed if you don't." Imagine the difference if we all acted from the baseline assumption that we're all doing our best.
It's said our human nature is to judge others by their actions, ourselves by our intentions. What if instead of falling prey to that default, we tap into our divine nature & believe "They're doing their best"?
Blessed if they do, blessed if they don't. Holding that as our own truth, as our truth about others, isn't easy in the beginning. But once we start really believing it in our heart, amazing things can happen. We are freed from the shackles of negative assumption & limiting judgment.
I know Peter's doing the best he can. We're both blessed if we do, blessed if we don't.
How about always. Does always work for you?
Credits:
1) Amazon.com
2) telegraph.co.uk
3) picturequotes.com
4) worldartsme.com
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