Just saw an elder care quote that said, "Caring is being there, even when you want to be somewhere else." I think not - to me, that's caring canceled by a heavy dose of duty.
And it's not getting past the elderly. Their radar gets more & more sensitive with each passing year. Trust me, they're not looking at your smiling face & happy demeanor - they're looking into your eyes, which really are (alas) the mirror of our soul. They don't lie.
A few changes are needed to make that a valid statement. "Compassion is caring to be there, even when it's convenient to be somewhere else."
What youngers need to work on is really wanting to be with their older relatives & loved ones. They need to ditch the duty calls for a visit that truly honors & respect the older, no matter how difficult or crotchety they may be.
That is not easy. It takes a lot of personal inner work. A LOT. But I believe that is why the Ten Commandments tell us to "honor our father & our mother, that our days may be long upon the land." When we truly honor our parents - not matter how many grievances we might feel against them - the greatest good is done to US. Maybe especially if we have issues from the past or present.
This is where practicing meditation & visualization helps immensely. There are ways to put ourselves in a mindset that is at least neutral, where an older looking into our eyes might not see joy & gladness, but they won't see dread & distress either.
Maybe the outcome promised in the Ten Commandments is that in being there for our olders, with genuine compassion rather than from forced duty, we will develop a sense of equanimity which will serve us all our days.
~ Deev ~
the well read daughter
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