"Don't we want to be indispensable?"

In response to my previous post, someone asked, "But don't we want to be indispensable at work & at home, with our friends & colleagues?"

Speaking only for myself - no.  I don't want John to ever feel that I am indispensable for his happy existence.  I don't want people with whom I work to ever feel that there would be an gapping hole if I suddenly became unavailable.  

The motto for older2elder is engage,  energize,  empower.  That's not just snappy alliteration - it's what's in my heart of hearts.  

It was a moment of IMMENSE personal satisfaction when my 80+ year old mother learned how to put on a parking brake.  Now, that might not sound like much to you, but for a woman who never learned how to drive & whose interest in the workings of an automobile had been poo-pooed for decades by those who thought her curiosity was just silly - well, it was huge.  If for some reason she was in the car & it started to move, she knew what to do.

That might seem like a strange example to use in explaining how we are supposed to live in such a way as to make ourselves unnecessary, but it's the best I have.  I didn't have to be in the car for Mom to feel safe.  If it rolled, she knew what to do.  

If I was suddenly unavailable to work with older clients, there are already regular activities in place that anyone else could roll out.  Wednesday night "Coloring with Sinatra," Saturday movie musical night, classic film festivals, in-home social events, descriptions of rambles & nifty restaurants.  If I guarded the inner workings of those like trade secrets instead of freely sharing, then it might make me more indispensable, but the goal of life isn't to be irreplaceable, to forge chains that bind.  It's to help loved ones, friends, colleagues, pleasant acquaintances, absolute strangers fluff up those wings & fly!

Do we want to be indispensable?  In my opinion, no.  We want to be empowering, uplifting & hopefully unforgettable.