Took me knocking back an entire brick of cream cheese within two hours to realize that my sister's 07/03/15 death really shook me up. My diet went to pieces - still vegetarian, but went off the deep end with fatty rather than lean cuisine; got out of patterns that support happiness, opting instead for old stand-byes that lead to no good ends; STILL haven't gotten the laptop up & running.
Instead of feeling even worse, am feeling uplifted. I always & forever loved my sister, altho - as a close friend of hers said, to my amazement & delight, at the memorial service - she was uneasy around me.
Even in our early years, before I first disagreed with her & ended what had been a remarkably tight (or so it looked) sisterhood, it was clear Mim was not really into me. It was good, realizing the why behind my weight gain over the past half year (which I'd chalked up to normal winter weight gain), that the lack of oomph in getting past nominal barriers, to realize just how into her I've always been.
Growing up there in years can do wonders for reassessing relationships, finding new ways to honor friendships & connections that might have faded over the years, or finally getting the courage to walk away from ones we realize do others and/or us harm.
One thing is for sure - I never thought that I could feel good realizing how hard I took Mim's death. That while, as Gray said, it was hard being her sister, it was always an education & an honor.
Credits:
womeninbalance.org
loseweighandfeelgreatwithfran.com
thewondrous.com
No comments:
Post a Comment