"Sometimes ya gotta let go of a lot of old stuff..."

"And ya gotta learn a bunch of new stuff."  Words of wisdom from former Special Agent Mike Franks, a totally fictional character sharing a lot of very real wisdom.

 

Twin traits that a grounded elder is considerably better able at doing than even a youngster like 63-year old moi.  Wise elders realize they're not their bodies - while their physical being in breaking down, their spirit is still strong.  The wise elder accepts that a whole bunch of stuff he or she held as sacrosanct is possibly not as iron-clad as seemed in younger years, that fresh perspectives & new vantage points are creating unexpected beliefs & even values.  

And that that's the way it's meant to be.

That as we age up up up through the years, we ideally get the ability to look back over them with a discerning eye & hopefully a lot less judgment.  Judgment is a luxury of youth.  The wise elder has seen too much & realizes she's learn too little absolute truth to be as judgmental as in her younger years.  

Wise elders know how to let go of a lot of old stuff & are willing to learn a bunch of new, know what to hold close, what to release, what to renew & how to refresh.  

I'm not there yet, might never get there.  But I'm blessed to know quite a few who have.  I might never be a wise elder, but praise be I know what they look like!

 

AIR - taking apart Level 1

 

Wrapping up relating Level 1 of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to my older friends.  Inspired originally by an article by a respected expert on elder care that left me wanting more, left me thinking, "But how does it REALLY relate?"  One of the things I'd never given much thought to are the problems many older people experience with something as basic as breathing.  

Having taught biology, I knew that the process causes an exchange of carbon dioxide & oxygen in our bloodstream, that inspiration is when we breathe in & expiration is when we breathe out & respiration is the two combined - aka breathing.  But was clueless about specific problems that can happen & cause serious, life-threatening damage as we get up there in years. 

Go to out grocery shopping, out to the mall, even to dinner & you're likely to spot an older person sporting a personal oxygen tank.  The older we get, the more vulnerable we are to developing problems with our breathing.  Whatever the culprits - from COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disorders) to congestive heart failure (CHF), asthma to lung cancer - the person isn't breathing in or processing sufficient oxygen.  

If you have an older friend or relation, never dismiss breathing problems as just normal with aging.  They are often symptoms of serious breathing disorders.  Being able to recognize an older person is having a breathing crisis can be the difference in getting them appropriate care.


Everyone, young adult to oldster, should take time for an online search of breathing disorders.  One thing I discovered is that air travel can be an issue.  Never thought about that!

The best thing is to talk to a doctor about any suspected problems, your own or a loved one's.  Nothing - including the most extensive online search - beats actual medical advice.  And breathing problems are nothing to take lightly.  It's estimated  we can three weeks without food, three days without water, but only three minutes without air!  

A sampling of articles I came across on my online search:
http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html
https://suite.io/katrena-wells/2tkn2n9
http://www.healthline.com/symptom/rapid-shallow-breathing
http://www.care.com/senior-care-caring-for-seniors-with-breathing-problems-p1143-q317309.html
http://www.livestrong.com/article/187394-what-are-the-causes-of-shortness-of-breath-in-the-elderly/
http://www.healthline.com/symptom/rapid-shallow-breathing
http://www.aeromedic.com/news/uncategorized/3-steps-fly-portable-oxygen-concentrator/
https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=how+long+can+we+live+without+air

flabbergasted ~ stunned ~ practically wordless

But not quite.

Add to them delighted - that a friend posted the following description just before I head down to the Leading to Well-Being Conference.  How delightful to head down with such a confidence booster!  

from Adrienne's blog - 
"Deev Murphy, bless her heart, called me up yesterday (Monday) to tell me that she and my dad had been talking about how he hadn’t really seen any any spring flowers yet. She wanted to let me know that there were some crocuses on Runnymede Avenue in Jenkintown. (Deev didn’t know the cross street; I think it’s Mytle). This is the sort of think that Deev, having found her calling in taking care of elders with mild to moderate dementia has focused in on. When you can’t hold an idea in your head for very long, when things hurt, when you aren’t very steady on your feet and the options of dancing, or fornicating, or late nights are over, you can still look for the first flowers of spring. She knows this and so when one of her clients is yearning to see flowers, Deev looks for flowers."

 

Gives special joy that she sees a rather peculiar - in a good way - strength.  Most of our client's families say, "How wonderful that you enjoy jazz - or baseball - or dogs - or crocuses, just like s/he does," never realizing I take my cue from them.  I keep my eye out for the jazz-infused music event, the afternoon game at a local high school, the dog park, even the bank of purple crocus.  While some of them might not really be my personal cup of tea, I have the joy of seeing an older friend's face light up watching pooches playing catch with devoted humans, listening to a terrific song, cheering as the catcher tags an out - or glories in the beauty of early spring flowers.

 

In the meme time

“We’ve been shaken out of the magnolias.”  

 

I’ve always been particularly fond of that line, from Watch on the Rhine.  Quoted it just the other day to an older friend.  Spoken near the very end of the film, it’s my favorite moment in one of my favorite films.

That’s how I felt – in a positive way – after reading Richard Brodie’s, Virus of the Mind, about six years ago.  It was only today that I realized Richard Brodie did with memes what I hope to do with helping people of all ages live as expansively as possible – he doesn’t set himself up as the great expert, nor does he set out the scientific whys & wherefores of memetics, but simply raised my awareness that they exist & impact my life.  Profoundly.  His book made me look at everything in a fresh new light. 

How to describe a meme?  Whether working at Bryn Athyn Church School, US Healthcare, Prudential, BISYS or with older friends, my work has always involved doing what I can to directly influence individual & group memes.  Back then, we called it “branding.”  Looking back, it’s clear my job as a teacher, a physician liaison, a writer, an account executive all shared a common thread – creating a image/belief in the minds of one that would spread to many.  Aka – a meme. 

A meme is defined as “an idea, behavior or style that spreads from person to person within a culture.” The root comes from the Ancient Greek term mimeme, which implies cultural phenomena.  Although the word is often used to describe catch-phrases, popular music & basically anything currently trending, it goes way beyond the hottest new thing going viral on YouTube or sweeping through the Internet & into general culture.

Realized – with a shock – that my brain was host to endless images of others, particularly of myself, that had been wired into my mental circuitry through childhood & early adulthood.  Realizing that freed me to step back, look at the memes that had been running countless programs that had little if any relation to reality, and reconsider.  It gave me the space to reevaluate, reconsider & reconstitute, where necessary, all of my fundamental beliefs.  Actually, all of them – period.

 

Virus of the Mind is a book for all ages.  Including my older friends in Late Adulthood.  Maybe especially.

For those seeking fresh perspectives, it can help them see how words formed our concepts which evolved into every sort of belief & ideal, 99.99% of the time without our awareness.   

Take a moment to think about your own birth family, the image & story that surrounds each member.  In our family, the most powerful meme was that Peter & Mim were the smart ones, while Mike & I were the social ones.  If I hadn’t read Brodie first, it’s possible I would never have realized that Mike & I were both social AND bright.  We never excelled because we believed the meme & never gave schoolwork our full effort.  It wasn’t anyone’s fault – it was how a variety of messages were processed by a spectrum of others.  BUT, realizing that in my mid-50s helped me step past a clearly unproductive meme AND embrace a new, positive, empowering one. 

Let me repeat that – in my mid-50s.  And it didn’t really set in until a couple years ago, in my early 60s!  I belief that adults of any age would get a lot out of  Virus of the Mind.  

Over the years, one constant in my life is my surprise at how often older friends, especially significantly older ones, seem more aware of the existence of life patterns than youngsters under sixty.  My bet is they would get as much from reading Virus of the Mind in their 80s & 90s as I did in my 50s & 60s.  Maybe far more than me, it might help them make better sense of not only global & national events (particularly politics!), but also what makes me tick. 

Maybe they’ll be shaken out of their magnolias, too.  Maybe, like me, their blooms will be better than they could dare dream.

DRINK - taking apart Level 1

You'd think that in a developed nation like the United States of America, it would be a snap to make sure our older friends & loved ones have enough to drink.  Between drinkable tap water & filtered water & bottles of water, how could anyone end up hospitalized with dehydration?

Alas, making sure older people ace the drinking aspect of Maslow's Level 1 is often far from easy.

 

I, for one, hadn't a clue about making sure older people, especially the seriously elderly, drink enough water.  It was never an issue with the #1 elder in my life - Mom always had a glass of water with each meal.  But it seems that she might have been the aberration.  

 

Turns out the older friend who resisted drinking water was more the norm.  What a challenge - how do you get an 80+ year old woman to drink even half a glass of water without treating her like a toddler?  Frustration at my continuing battle to get her to drink more - not just coffee, certainly not soda, but clear liquid, preferably water - led to an online search of dehydration & the elderly.  



What an eye opener!  It was embarrassing, as someone who taught a high school health class & biology, to never have realized that the elderly are at high risk of dehydration.  It's physiological, but mental & even practical, too.

Scientists aren't clear on why our thirst mechanism gets weaker as we age, but there's no question that we do.  Just making sure you or loved ones have plenty of drinkable water available doesn't guarantee it will be drunk.  The older we get, the more our awareness of being thirsty diminishes.  Researchers think it could be due to a "cognitive disconnect," with the signal being sent but the brain not interpreting it properly - but they're not sure where the disconnect occurs, let alone its cause.  Between a diminishing thirst response & not registering that they have a dry mouth, the elderly frequently just don't feel the need for a drink of water.

One older friend had no intention of drinking water, no matter what I said.  It took some detective work, but I learned that she was terrified of having an "accident" but didn't want to wear adult protection.  

 

A friend's father had fallen in his bathroom & did everything he could to avoid having to use the facilities.  I read about someone who stayed awake at night if he had water any time in the evening - he was afraid that he might have to go, but be asleep & wet his bed.    

As challenging as it is to help older friends & loved ones drink enough clear, uncarbonated liquid, it is essential.  

 

The older friend with no intention of drinking ultimately landed in the hospital with dehydration, which spiraled into pneumonia.  She was in the hospital & rehabilitation for weeks - but when she was released was just as stubborn about not drinking water.  Her family was frustrated & made sure she had company for each meal, but to little avail.  (My minor successes were only due to not letting her have ice cream for dessert if she didn't drink at least half a glass of water - that would have been much harder for a family member to pull off.)

My older friends get hit with a double, maybe triple whammy when it comes to fending off dehydration.  Not only is their thirst mechanism diminishing, many of my elderly friends are on meds - especially for high blood pressure  & anti-depressants - that are diuretics (purge the body of water).  Other medications can make people sweat more, releasing more fluids from the body.  As we age, our kidneys begin to function less & less, so we conserve less & less fluid.  Even illness can increase dehydration.

 

My older friend's diet certainly didn't help.  Her lunch consisted of a hot dog or maybe a frozen entree.  Whoever took her out to dinner knew what to expect - chicken croquettes & mashed potatoes, no vegetables, no fruits.  No foods that could help provide the precious body fluids she so desperately needed. 

I remember one time when we were out on a short excursion with another older friend.  We were coming out of an exhibit of Christmas trees  & she almost collapsed on the sidewalk.  She fussed & fumed as I scooped her into the car & made a beeline for the closest Wawa, where I grabbed a small bottle of water & had her drink it.  Every drop.  She was astonished at her restored sense of balance & renewed energy.

And the next time we were out to dinner & I did my best to get her to drink at least a half glass of water, she fought me, tooth & nail.    


.

O me of little faith! - LIVE HAPPY

 

 
In two days, I will be headed south, to the 2015 Leading to Well-Being Conference in Falls Church, Virginia.  Two days!  

 

Infinite blessings on the friend who gave me a Live Happy subscription - and a confession.  Each Christmas, this spectacularly insightful woman gives me a just-right book I've never heard of, which takes me to new places of awareness & action.  When the notice about the magazine subscription arrived, I thought - seriously?  A magazine subscription?  I confess to disappointment.  My first & often best Christmas present was, in 2014, a magazine subscription. How was this possible??

 

When the first issue arrived, I opened it - without enthusiasm.  How could she do this to me?  One of the great catalysts for positive change in my life, one of the five people who lit a fire in my soul to find the truer ME, reduced to giving this for Christmas.  A cutsy shot of Kristin Chenoweth paired with sunshine & rainbow featured stories looked like Cosmo on happiness steroids.  Held little hope of new insight & fresh perspective.

Oh me of little faith!

What I discovered were articles that I enjoyed reading, which resonated.  I was surprised at the sense of almost homecoming.  Some people reminded me of friends, could even see myself in a couple.  Yes, it was bright, sunny & clearly written for folks with attention deficit disorder - the articles are uniformly short.  I read through it twice, then handed it off to John, who only leafed through it to make me happy, but then brought it up to bed with him, kept me awake reading through it. He agreed it's a pity many people won't even bother picking it up to check out, turned off by the chipper covers & feel-good articles.  What they will miss!  

Am getting a subscription for the Wellness Center at a grannie client's senior residence - every oldsters & ancient, guy & gal, could get something out of the unabashedly upbeat but surprisingly substantial magazine.  Perfect for folks waiting for an appointment - uplifting graphics, short articles, real information on how to achieve higher levels of happiness for yourself & others.  

 

 

 

 

Hmmm...  A subscription is a spot-on giftie for each of my clients.  Will put more spring in their step, more lift in their heart, and definitely more smiles - lots more smiles - on their face.  Oh, and one for my hometown retirement community.  And one for...

 

 

Turns out, Live Happy aced my friend's position in my pantheon of great gift givers.  That first issue contained an advertisement for my Leading to Well-Being Conference.  Enticing, but I wasn't sure - was it directed at organizations, or would a little ol' elder care solutionist like me get anything out of it?  Shot off a note to George Mason University - the organizers - and got back the just-right reply - "I believe we will be a good match for you.  Even more, Deev, I know that  YOU would most certainly bring a lot to us."  

 

Thanks, dear friend.  Thanks, Live Happy.  

 

Let the magic begin!  

 

 

 

Voila - the Amazon review I just wrote:    

Where I expected drivel, I found substance.  Where it looked cutsy, I turned out to be grounded.  Where I expected nothing, I got so much more than I ever could have imagined.  The editor in me is amused at how the magazine is aimed to an attention-deficit readership  - the articles are SHORT, with lots of bouncy graphics.  But they have excellent content, perspective shifting ideas, and there's really no faulting anything that helps nurture a happiness meme. 

 

 

 

I can think of no better example than this month's feature article, on Gretchen Rubin.  Gretchen is bright (personality & mentality), upbeat, a natural connector.  John & I met her before her first book became a rip-roaring success.  It's seriously hard to imagine this woman ever was challenged to either be immensely happy or to grapple with bad habits.  But who better to help people be happier & develop better habits than someone who aces both?  Her books - which I expected to also be sunny drivel - made a change in my life.  Many changes.  Can't argue with success.  

 

Ditto for LIVING HAPPY magazine.  I've been reading it since Jan 2015 - four issues - and my life, already famously happy, is even more so.  And headed in new, fabulous professional directions, thanks to LIVING HAPPY.  

 

Why five stars?  Because there's no arguing with success.