Gentle friendship

Smiling, thinking of a particularly gentle older friend.  Her apartment - in the independent living section of an assisted living residence - is about the size of the living room & dining room in the house she lived in with her husband, where she raised her children.  

In many ways, her life bears little resemblance to the one she lived twenty years ago.  This meticulous housekeeper no longer needs to clean her apartment - it's handled by the cleaning crew.  This wonderful cook no longer prepares her meals - she has her choice of three dining rooms.  There's an exercise room & pool, but no where to take a pleasant stroll outside.  There are no gardens to tend.  She gave up driving years ago.  Most of the day-to-day activities that were the backbone of her life are gone. 

But one thing is unchanged. Every day, my friend wakes up every day with a purpose - she is the family matriarch 24/7/365, although most delightfully over the warm weather months.  In May, her family scoops her up & they head up to the family summer place on a New England lake.  Groups of family come  & go, but she stays, from the weekend they open the house through its closing in September. 

She is also a master of friendship, making new ones easily while enjoying the benefits of lifelong friendships.  Men who worked with her husband stop by to visit - they remember happy times at her house, formal dinners with colleagues, impromptu late night suppers & breakfasts after long shifts.  She savors her strong ties to the church she's attended since a girl, where she was baptized, confirmed, married.  

My friend would look quizzical if I talked to her about having a purpose.  To her, it is simply her life.  

 

My older friend is reaping the bounty of a harvest she planted all her life.  And she is not the rarity, although few folks these days have the advantage of a family summer home on a charming New England lake.  I know a family that gathered every Sunday night at their parents' house for their Mom's famous mac & cheese and to play board games - a tradition they continued long after their father passed, long after their mother could no longer recognize each.  I know families that get together for movie nights, for Scrabble tournaments, for suppers of grilled cheese & bologna sandwiches with steaming mugs of tomato soup.   

All through our lives, we build the connections that help sustain us all through our lives.  I know people who count the mailman among their most treasured acquaintances, regularly delivering letters from lifelong friends & even young family members who know Grammie doesn't text.  Their phone often rings with calls from happy-to-hear-you voices.  They, like my friend, are reaping what they sowed.  

The best way to have a purpose-graced, connection filled life old age is to live that way from Day One.  Like my gentle friend.  .