The most terrible poverty

Loneliness & the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.

Mother Teresa 

According to a 03/18/15 Time posting, "Loneliness kills. That’s the conclusion of a new study by Brigham Young University researchers who say they are sounding the alarm on what could be the next big public-health issue, on par with obesity and substance abuse."

According to a new study, feelings of loneliness increases risk of death by 26%.  A lack of social contact & living alone are currently believed to increase mortality risk by 29% and 32%. 

That's among all age groups.  Among adults, those who identified themselves as lonely were 45% more likely to die at an earlier age than those who saw themselves as meaningfully connected to others. 


A study by geriatricians at the University of California/San Francisco set out to quantify the impact of isolation - feeling left out, lacking social contacts - on older people.  It involved 1,600+ volunteers, age 60+.  How did they experience loneliness - a sense of not having meaningful contact with others, accompanied by painful distress.

The study showed that the number of participants who reported feelings of loneliness remained steady at approximately 43%, but what did was the health of those describing themselves as isolated & unhappy. Almost 25% in this group reported a decline in their ability to handle daily living tasks (include ability to bathe, eat, dress, get up on their own).  Those identifying themselves as free of loneliness, that number was shy of 13% - almost half.  45% of the lonely older adults were more likely to die than those more meaningfully connected to others.  

Note - feelings of loneliness often have little or nothing to do with living alone.  Who hasn't experienced a time when we were surrounded by others, yet felt isolated.  Or been alone, even for prolonged periods of time, without losing our sense of meaningful connection to others, even if we hadn't seen or talked to them in a while?

The essential word is meaningful.  Painful statistic - 62.5% of the older adults reporting feeling lonely were married!  Loneliness isn't about how many social contacts we do or don't have, but about how we experience them.  Are they merely superficial connections ~or~ relationships that matter, with emotional depth & resonance?  

Social supports - relationships that matter to us - are crucial for our well-being at all ages.  This is just my opinion, but as we age, particularly as get get significantly up there in years, resiliency becomes more & more essential for our mental & emotional health.  The older we reach, the more friends pass away.  The people I've known who seemed the most emotionally resilient ones are those who fully miss dearly departed without dwelling on the loss, who were able to make new friends without expecting them to take the place of those who are gone.

 

In my life, I've known people who felt utterly alone - in their teens & twenties!  And I've known 90+ "ancients" who've lost all their classmates, most of their schoolmates & remember them with bittersweet regret, yet can still see the many friends still around them, look forward to the ones they've yet to make.

I keep thinking about the older friend featured in this morning's blog posting, Gentle Friendship.  The heroine of the posting, a significantly older friend, has lost most of her classmates & friends of her youth, most of the adult friends she & husband made as a couple, but she is constantly making new younger friends, ones like me that she's met through where she lives, ones from her church, ones through her large extended family.  She lives by herself in a senior residence, several towns from her family, but she seems anything but lonely.  

I've known people who came from & had large families who are among the loneliest people on the planet, who couldn't see a potential friend if he or she was right in front of them with label stating "New Friend."  

Loneliness can kill.  We can help, by doing all we can to be a nurturing presence in the lives of older friends & family.  Nurturing being the crucial word.  Nothing makes an older person feel lonelier than feeling a loved one is there for a duty visit.  Enjoy being with the oldster.  If they are challenging, consider the time you're with them a gift & see what you can to to make it as valued as possible.  Send mail - even oldsters who know their way around social media love to get a real card, note or (gasp!) letter.  On birthdays, send flowers - calls are nice, but something tangible matters more than most would admit.  

Bottom line - be present in their lives.  If loneliness kills, then a sense of someone being out there for us - however distant they may be or reluctant we are to accept them - is a life preserver & protector!

 

http://time.com/3747784/loneliness-mortality/
http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/18/the-high-price-of-loneliness/