Opportunity, perspective & growing older

An unexpected gift of growing older - edging upward through my 60s - has been what can happen when unforeseeable situations that would have once become high drama team with fresh perspectives to present an opportunity for glorious, soul-satisfying  "do-overs." 

Exactly a year ago this morning, I was gifted to respond in a different way to an ancient trigger that had - until that moment - always elicited a snappish response, swiftly embroiling the players into family melodrama. 

Last year's life-healing situation came within hours of Mim's passing.  Even as it happened, I saw her loving hand in the amazing moment, opening a situation that wasn't possible for her in life. I saw it as opportunity - embraced it - moved past it, forward to better.

Today, the first anniversary of Mim slipping from us, a surprisingly similar unexpected opportunity suddenly presented itself, providing the opportunity to once again see something, experience it without hurt or recrimination, calm address it, move past it to better.

John & I had planned on visiting Peter this afternoon.  As hard as Mim's death hit me, Peter was devastated.  I stepped up to the sister plate as never before.  On this day of days, we planned to visit him & he asked if we could hoof him over to the nearby Walmart to get photos scanned & printed.  No problem.

Then, a grannie client's family called with a dilemma.  One of her sons had to cancel his dinner plans.  Could we take her out, to dinner or at least dessert? Knowing there was no way we could do both, I called Peter to reschedule.   

I explained the situation.  He said a client had to come first.  Well, what he actually was, "If what you say is true, your client has to come first."

Did he really say that?  "If what you say is true..."  It sounded in sync with the sort of snarky - make that inexplicably mean -  thing I heard throughout my life.  Praise be, at 64, I could could hear & process it without freaking out. 

While 10% of me couldn't quite fathom that he's said what I'd heard, the rest knew - Yeah, he'd said that.  I didn't bristle, didn't even feel a twinge of hurt.  I stayed grounded reviewing the call with the son, his request, my changing our plans.  

The best thing wasn't that I didn't flip as would have been the norm even ten years ago.  It was how Peter came back with the exact same grounded tone/attitude, apologized for his comment, then continued the conversation.  Together, we untriggered an ancient trigger!  What would have gone kablooey was noticed addressed resolved without a scene worthy of John Barrymore & Sarah Bernhardt. 

There are many amazing things about growing older.  As I learned for the first time a year ago - TODAY! - and was reinforced this afternoon, new opportunities to experience old troubled dynamics can come up at the most unexpected times. Having the longer view that can be the result of having many years tucked under your belt can provide a different, less fiercely invested, more balanced perspective, providing the smidgen of space objectivity detachment essential for TRANSFORMING the "way it's always been" into a better choice decision action.

Ain't life grand!?!