Pondering in her heart - How To Be An Adult

Read a book with a parent or with a child!  Trust me - it can be a remarkable experience.  Maybe start with a novel - what an eye-opener it would have been for me if Mom & I had read The Shell Seekers together. 

At least we got to read How To Be An Adult, then Still Here, in tandem. 

Talk about eye openers - as I recall, Mom actually set How To Be An Adult aside for an entire day after reading the first four lines of the second chapter ~

Assertiveness is the personal power to:

• Be clear about your feelings, choices, and agenda.
• Ask for what you want.
• Take responsibility for your feelings and behavior.

To me, those relatively few words were just everyday common sense.  

To Mom, they were radical statements, each & every one.  She'd spent a lifetime being intentionally muddled, abdicating decision making to others - especially her children, acting like having her own agenda was never ever allowed.

The concept of asking straight out for what she wanted was anathema to my mother, whose practice was to only ask for what she expected others would be willing to give.  The thought that she should ask for something simply because she wanted it must have been mind bending.

As for taking responsibility for her feelings & behavior, Mom was always open to that.  Along with taking responsibility for everyone else's feelings & behaviors, too.

Small wonder that she read those four lines, then set the book aside.  As it turned out, not due to distress or inability to fathom, but because they'd given her pause.  Literally.  They made her pause to ponder what she'd read. 

Mom didn't talk to me about it, didn't ask for my input, didn't bring it up at all.  But for a full day, she took the words she'd read & pondered them in her heart.