"Intergenerational" - neh...

On the one hand, it was a thrill to hear the word "intergenerational" used over & over at last month's National Center for Creative Aging Conference.  On the other, the word itself seems less than satisfying.  Why does it leave me feeling, "Neh..."?  Because it does.  

Have pondered that over the past few days.  Where it should bring delight to my heart, it strikes me as dry, almost clinical.  What would I prefer?

The way longer, but more tender "connecting generations."  Yes, that does it for me.  It's utterly idiosyncratic, totally personal.  Just sounds to me like getting different ages together for a set purpose, rather than them just being with each other in natural ways, natural settings.  

When I think about the very nice places where many of my older friends live, the thing I rail against is the lack of generations organically interconnecting.  It seems that even the crotchetiest man or woman perks up when a fellow resident's family visits, whether a adult child, grandchildren or grands.  But that's seeing, not connecting.  There is such power in connection.

Just as we store up money & other crucial resources as we grow older for the leaner years, we should be storing up friends, particularly younger ones.  That means getting OUT, meeting younger people in natural settings, where connections flow rather than feel forced.  

Which got me thinking about Mom.  Yes, she lived with us, so she had all the comings & goings of our friends & my craft workshops kids & the parents who dropped them off.  But she loved watching the neighborhood kids walking to school or hanging with friends, savored watching the young family next to us grow up.  

And then there was her letter writing.  She could, on any given day, have instant connection with her Aussie-based family (real & "of the heart"), her California nephew & niece, Dave & Candy in Sioux Falls, Peggy in Missouri or Ellen in Texas - so many, scattered throughout her dark green address book.  Mom was a devoted correspondent who thrived on the letters she received & sent.  Although Ellen was a contemporary - ditto the Heldons & Sandows in Australia, the Keals in New Zealand - most of them were one or more generations younger than Mom.

Mom had the heartbreak of losing Dad at a terribly young age - his early sixties, younger than I am now  - but that loss had an unexpected consequence.  I'm sure that Mom & Dad would have visited Mike & Kerry, Scott & Karen (both born after he died), but it would probably have been for no more than a couple weeks.   

Mom visited Australia seven times between the age of 65 & 85, for months at a time.  She was there when Scott was born, when Karen was born, taking care of her daughter-in-law like she was a queen.  Kerry was the envy of her friends, as she didn't hesitate letting them know that "Nan" made sure she didn't have to lift a tea cup unless she wanted to.  Mom connected with her family at the most enduring levels & made friends for life, friends who hold her in their hearts to this very day. 

I think about the joy Mom would be feeling at Angela's upcoming wedding - such a little girl, a granddaughter-of-the-heart, when Mom last saw her.  Without giving it thought for what it would mean for her morrow, Mom cultivated friends across the ages.  The last time Mom saw her, Angela was a very little girl, but her eyes still fill with happiness & affection whenever we talk about "Grandma L."  

I think about the Facebook postings from contemporaries talking about running into older friends at our local hometown's small senior residence, the glow that comes through remembering a lovely chat with this former teacher, with that parent of a good friend.  These are precious moments for us youngers, priceless for our older friends. I learned - from what I saw & what she said - how her younger friends helped her grapple with the loss of loved ones, of longtime buddies.  How to make Mom's reality more the norm, to help more & more youngers connect with older family & friends in a natural, flowing way? 

The connections older friends make when we're out on a tootle helps refill their own cup of friendship, however light.  The joy of eyes that sparkle when they come into view, the happy voices that greet them, from the pleasant acquaintances at a favorite inn or a favorite waitress at the local diner.  Far from fluffy light connection.    

Connecting generations - it is deeply satisfying that the larger world recognizes the importance of this, is focused on how to find & expand opportunities for a range of ages to gain from each other.  Young people can grow deeper from connection with elders, while youngers can spark fresh verve in an older person's day week month year LIFE.   How to encourage nurture grow that sense?  Ah, that's my great task!

Intergenerational?  Neh...  Just falls flat for me.  Give me connection, flow, engagement across ages.  Not nearly so concise, wildly wordy, but such lovely words & realities.