Sharing with friends - a bend in the road

More from Lisa Snyder's Living Your Best with Early-Stage Alzheimer's, on sharing news of an Alzheimer's diagnosis with friends:

"As public recognition of Alzheimer's and related disorders continues to grow, some people report that friends are supportive and do not treat them any differently from how they did before the diagnosis...  You can't predict how others will respond to your news, and sometimes you may just take a chance.  Jean says:

I told my friends about Alzheimer's.  They are very quiet.  They don't know what to say.  I don't know what to say.  I think they understand because I'm telling them how hard it is and the impact the disease has.  They listen.  I don't expect them to respond any more than I could have responded two years before this happened to me.  I don't expect more than to really have an opportunity to say what's going on & to express how I feel about it.


Maryalice Gordon wrote a letter to her friends in her church choir and gave them helpful tips dealing with her memory loss.  She writes:

Please be patient with me if I look blankly when you tell me something we just talked about yesterday or last week.  Just repeat the information and please without the "I told you" or "Don't you remember?"  If we are planning something, please be sure that I write it down, or else give me a simple written note with instructions, date, time, and place.  If I can see it, I can do it.  If I can't see it, it doesn't exist!  I may know your name now, but not be able to recall it later.  Name tags help.  Please don't ignore me.  I'm still here!  Please don't be afraid to ask me questions. Sometimes I even know the answers!

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Two great ways to approach discussing an Alzheimer's diagnosis with friends & loved ones.  I appreciated Maryalice writing a letter to her church choir - it helps a person take in the information privately rather than face to face.  On the other hand, I know people who've been diagnosed who have no problems bringing it up directly with their friends.  

Sometimes, it's hardest telling those we love the most.  Courage!  Courage on everyone's part.  And lots of love.  They can make all the difference.  

In my experience, too many people fast forward in their mind from diagnosis to last days, not realizing all the wonderful times & unforgettable great memories that are just ahead.   

The people who are most blessed are those who have relationships already hallmarked with open, clear communication.   Those with the greatest problems are ones whose relationships may be upbeat but guarded, where difficult information is hard to share.  

The best time to get started on developing the first & avoiding the second is NOW.  Think about what Jean & Maryalice describe - would you, at this moment, be able to approach the situation that way?  What might hold you back?  Get past it.  Now is when you need to prepare for a time you hope will never come.  But just in case you have challenging news you need to share with friends, get started!