Take no thought for the morrow

As a young friend wrote quite a few years back, "Aunt Deev & Uncle Keet don't have any kids of their own, so they adopted all the ones in our community."  

Spot on!  Although we weren't blessed with children of our own, we delight in friendships with "kids" of all ages, from teeny to toddlers to teens & twenties - and beyond.  

While we treasure those friendships, John & I are well aware that none of the younger generation we hold near & dear have us on their family radar, nor are any of my nieces or nephews or cousins close by.  It's us. 

Yet, we fear not.  For years, the two of us have been aware of far worse fates than ours.  There are few things sadder than those who have children, but are distanced from them by things far more challenging than miles.  No one knows better than us that having children is no guarantee of loving care as we age upward.

Call me unrealistic for having no fear of becoming one of the "elder orphans" described in Janice Woods' article. My fate moving forward has never caused me concern.  Life showed me long ago that things are inherently out of our control.  

My great comfort will always be knowing that when it mattered, both of us were there for our elderly, true elder mothers.  We did our part, were our fathers' - both of whom died in their early sixties - hands.  

As for the "aging alone" thing - well, we've got plenty of company.  Between childless couples & people who never married, it's expected that almost one-quarter of 65+ Americans could become "elder orphans," fending for themselves. 

How is it possible in this Age of Connection that so many, especially the elderly, aren't connected to others?  

Even if I don't have anyone fending for me if when how I become dependent, will always have a strong sense of connection to those around me.  It's called friendship.  

That doesn't mean those friends are going to be able to step up & provide care, but that's true for lots of folks with loads of family & other relatives.  But I know their hearts will be with me.  Hopefully, their hands, too, but it will be quite alright if not.

So few of my generation were blessed to grow up in strong, caring & genuinely connected communities, or been graced with older friends who reach past their seventies & eighties, many into their nineties, with verve & spiritual gusto.  Too many in my generation have experienced the brokenness of aging, whereas everything in my background & current experience is about aging that works as intended, a full-growth experience from first breath to last.  

What is there to fear?  Inconvenience, discomfort - possibly.  But actual disquietude?  Never!

Kierkegaard said, "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."  Forward is how I live each day, without fret or worry.  Of course, it helps to be an avowed eldercare anarchist, intent on overthrowing our culture's dismal view of getting old, finding ways to work around the realities that separate families & create care-giving havoc for even the most devoted relatives.  My whole goal is to help find ways to reinforce the power of families & friends, circles of care & caring communities.  

Will either John or I or both of us end up as "elder orphans"?  It doesn't matter.  Take no thought for the morrow - and work for a better way & day!