It is a quality I am developing because it is essential for a strong courage muscle. If I find myself in situations remotely similar to what both Mom & Mim faced - the increased silence that comes with significantly older age, the imposed silence when your body breaks down & you no longer can fill your life with activity - I want to be energized by silence. not drained.
The ability to sit with silence, to make opportunities to embrace & be embraced by it, will be an essential learned skill for my generation & younger. Our normal lives are on sensory overload & we don't even realize it. And how many of us have a clue that what we're experiencing is radically different from anything experienced ever before?
Telephones have only been in widespread use since the early 1900s. The first radio broadcasts aired in 1920. Television swept the nation after WWII. Imagine going back 100 years to a typical American home - if there was a phone, it rarely rang. No radio, no television, and computers were only in the dreams of nutty inventors. People played the piano for an evening's entertainment or they read or played card games. What we'd consider stony silence today was the norm back then.
Imagine going back fifteen years, before texting addicted users.
Every decade, we become more saturated with sensory stimulants, which makes being comfortable with - holding - silence increasingly difficult.
The truth is that I am - at this moment - uneasy with silence. My tendency is to fill up the spaces of each moment with mental stuff. Sitting with silence? Eeeek!
But that is what I need to do to build up my courage muscle. Because in silence is where I'll find myself, where I can be. And we are taught that as long ago as the Old Testament, where Moses is instructed by God - Be still, and know that I am.
In stillness, in silence, we discover what really is. Being able to be comfortable with silence, to sit with it, is empowering. I think of what dear old Mom said about age-enforced silence - "Nature has forced me into more meditative states and a slower, sssllooowwweerr tempo. Instead of being bored to tears sitting in the big chair in the living room or in my soothing rocking chair, it is surprisingly rewarding. ~ The problem is that young kids - looking through the eyes of a still preening self - feel sad and think, 'How dull her life must be.' Too many Ancient and near-Ancient Ones come to think those young'uns are right."
Mom wrote that in 2000 - before the internet exploded with Facebook & texting. Imagine how horrified today's "young'uns" would be by someone not linked into moment-to-moment social media?! How impossibly challenging it will be for those young'uns to adjust to the slower tempo of an aging body. They better learn how to turn off their devices & turn into their silence!
The ability to sit in silence, to just be, is essential to a sense of calm, which is essential to a sense of peace, which is essential to feeling genuinely happy.
There are people who intentionally fill up their inner space with mental clutter because it helps keep them from seeing things they'd rather avoid. There are even more people who do it without any sense of what they're doing. They connect to what's around them, are disconnected to what's within.
I have friends who take phone calls in the midst of social events, who carry on long personal conversations on the phone right in front of guests. And who would think it unreasonable of me to share how sad that it - for herself & the rest of us. Of course she took the call - her cell phone rang. Sheez!
It's always been important that we develop a capacity to sit in, to hold silence. Silence is one of our most powerful energy sources - it helps us to think clearly & act wisely, to slow down our mind & to connect to the genuine essential. Mom could sit in her big chair & not go crackers because she experienced the silence that surrounded & filled her as rewarding.
Mom would have been the first to admit that sitting in silence can bring up things you do NOT want to see. That it takes courage to just be. But by doing that, Mom could feel alone but not lonely. She went into her being rather than just her mind. In stillness, she found her center. Mom was incredibly proud of finally being able to turn on the radio music channel, to drop in & play a CD - but she also continued to appreciate & embrace silence. She'd turn off her thoughts, allow her focus to turn inward, give her mind a bit of rest & relaxation. Her body felt a great AH of relief. Her ego went quiet, her true self flowed around her.
The ability to appreciate & employ silence goes beyond embracing & sitting in it. When we use silence to strengthen our courage muscle, it can be powerful in a very practical way. If I get into a disagreement with someone, my tendency is to try to out-argue him rather than to draw silence into the conflict - what a difference it makes when I remember to step away from the negative energy & let myself be filled with silence, let myself be silent. It's also tough for me to be genuinely silent during even a regular conversation - it still takes effort on my part to quiet my mind, to bend my attention to what the other is saying, to not set my mind racing ahead to a snappy response. Employing genuine silence in conversation is what makes a person a great listener.
It is not easy to let the the house be silent. To let the quiet give my mind a needed vacation, time to recharge. It takes trust to just let it be, not filling my restless mind up with chatter. The soul might crave silence, but my natural mind seems to distrust it. What will I see in the silence that noise helps me avoid? It spurs me on, remembering the day will come that silence & stillness will be more & more my reality - better to make a friend, an ally of both when I am young rather than experience them as forbidding foes when I am older.
Mom welcomed long stretches of quiet reflection. She'd focus on her breath & feel calm, a practice that stood her in remarkably good stead over her past year & particularly over her last hospitalization. In the busy busy busy of a hospital room, she could be back in her big chair, experiencing a rich inner calm. .
Neither Mom nor I had a clue about the importance of breathwork in achieving a sense of calm & center. Only discovered it due to a book by Pam Grout - Jumpstart Your Metabolism. While the book does offer an unexpected way to lose weight through simple breathing exercises, Mom discovered the exercises she made part of her daily practice gave her a greater sense of calm & center, helped her feel more at ease with her inner silence, which in turn helped her find refuge in the silent stillness that often surrounded her.
An essential breathwork exercise:
Breathing in, I know I’m breathing in.
Breathing out, I know I’m breathing out.
(In. Out.)
Breathing in, my breath grows deep.Breathing out, my breath grows slow.(Deep. Slow.)
Breathing in, I’m aware of my body.Breathing out, I calm my body.(Aware of body. Calming.)
Breathing in, I smile.Breathing out, I release.(Smile. Release.)
Breathing in, I dwell in the present moment.Breathing out, I enjoy the present moment.(Present moment. Enjoy.)
Silence IS golden, the ability to hold it & welcome stillness are essential to a happy life. It strengthens our courage muscle & fills our soul.
No comments:
Post a Comment