It's a rare lunch that I share with an older friend - we mostly hang out together over dinner. Today was the exception. And a double exception, because we ate at her high-end senior residence (in order to not miss a terrific 1:30 p.m. travelogue in the auditorium).
As we were working our way through the cafeteria-style dining option, a woman complained to me, in a loud voice that carried a good ways across the room, that my friend kept forgetting to use her walker when she came down to breakfast & others had kept her from taking tumbles. She made disparaging remarks about my friend's family, who - in her opinion - clearly neglected their mother's best interests. All shared in a voice loud enough for many others to overhear.
I was shocked & immediately button holed her to say, "Do not EVER do that again. (She had done it once before.) If you have something you want to say about my friend, please have the courtesy to call me over & tell me DISCREETLY."
At which, she spoke over my shoulder to where my friend was - "Do you remember what I said? Do you remember what I said?"
Shock turned to horror. What sort of human being is so cruel? I said again, "Do not EVER do that again."
She stomped off - as well as she could with her own walker - in a fury. A few minutes later, at the salad bar at the same time, she riped into me for my upset.
You're darn tootin' I was upset. I utterly DETEST bullies!
Sadly, although the senior care community prides itself on being a full-service facility, attending to every imaginable need, it lacks one of the most basic protections - it doesn't have any policy or procedure in place for reporting, let alone effectively addressing, bullying. To the best of my knowledge, it doesn't offer regular workshops on identifying, diffusing & reporting bullying & bullies. Shocked to discover that last spring. Here it is a full year later - still no mechanism for saying ENOUGH.
The regrettable thing is that the woman had important information to share, but shared it in a massively damaging way. If she was so judgmental & mean to my friend & sidekick, my guess is she is similarly "helpful" to who knows how many others? Let a bully run amuck & she will!
Of course, if you heard her tell the tale, my guess is she'd paint herself as misunderstood victim, who spoke only out of concern & friendship. How many bullies hide behind the invisibility cloak of feigned friendship!
If all I can do is ballyhoo "DOWN with bullies!" then hear me say it, loud & clear!!
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